“Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.” – Unknown
If you’ve ever felt the sting of feeling jealous, you already know how painful it can be. That sinking feeling in your stomach of feeling unworthy, inferior or unequal. Deflation as you start to second-guess your hopes and dreams.
A sad acceptance that might never be as “good” as what you’re comparing yourself to.
In small doses, a comparison can be useful. It can inspire us, motivate us and show us what is possible. However, there are times when a comparison does nothing but hurt! Perhaps, when you’re newly single and, suddenly, it seems like everyone is getting married! When you barely have enough money to pay rent and your friends are going on tropical holidays. Or, maybe, when your colleague is promoted to the same position you applied for. If feeling jealous leaves you lacklustre and down on yourself, that’s when it’s time to kick it to the curb. And you might as well have fun doing it!
4 Fun Ways to Kick Feeling Jealous to the Curb
#1 Discover Your Own Values
Often times we get distracted by other people’s achievements and we forget about our own values. When I first launched my business, I suddenly felt surrounded by people who were working super hard to achieve their goals. I started trying to keep up by sacrificing time I spent with my loved ones and working hours that left me exhausted and drained. It didn’t take long before I realised that I didn’t want to run my business that way! My top values revolve around love, family, adventure and creativity and I was giving that up to live by someone else’s values.
Once I re-aligned myself with my values, I started to enjoy my work again and my life felt much more balanced.
Tip: Discover what your values are! If you were 100 years old and looking back over your life, what would you be most proud of? Being independent, motivated and successful? Having fun and exploring new places? Nurturing your family and spending time with the people you love? Maintaining your health and fitness? As often as you can, do things which resonate with your values and when comparison hits, remember you’re already doing things which matter to you!
#2 Smile and Say an Affirmation
There’s power in a smile and a few uplifting words! If you can’t shake the feeling of comparison, stop what you’re doing and take a moment to remind yourself how unique and important you are. Smile and use a simple affirmation like:
“I am doing awesome things in my life.”
“I appreciate my uniqueness.”
“I can achieve whatever I choose.”
What you focus on is your choice – would you rather focus on others (when you don’t know the whole story!) or would you rather focus on supporting, motivating and encouraging yourself?
#3 Keep an Inspiration List
Next time you compare yourself to someone else, try to identify what you admire about them. For example, did they create something beautiful, or make a difference? Did they buy something you want, or take steps towards achieving their dream? Write down what you admire and turn it into an “inspiration list.”
A few things on my own inspiration list include: write a book, visit another country, create an e-course, grow a vegetable patch, speak at a wellness event, learn more about photography and spend more time at the beach.
This process helps me focus on the things I want in my own life and rather than feeling envious of others, I can be inspired by what they’ve done. Not only does this help me move on from the feeling jealous, it’s also developed my respect for other people and allowed me to be genuinely happy for them.
#4 Celebrate Yourself Meaningfully
When I become caught up in comparing myself to others, sometimes it’s because I’m feeling insecure. One way I like to manage my insecurity is by taking the time to celebrate something I’ve achieved or something I like about myself. Instead of dwelling on feeling jealous, I’ll go and take a bath, read a book, visit a nice cafe or meditate. I do something nice for myself to celebrate who I am and what I do, because it gives me a chance to recognise the qualities in myself, rather than only seeing the qualities in someone else.
Feeling jealous doesn’t have to sting. Have a little fun as you kick it to the curb by replacing it with inspiration, encouragement, self-esteem and celebration.