What is it that we all often do at the beginning of a relationship? We idealise, admire, enjoy and we stop our ego from interfering with the relationship. But when the fuel of that short lived feeling of being in love wears off, some of us have a tendency to devalue the relationship. Because some people live in a paradigm of “What I like” and “What I dislike” forgetting that any relationship is like a garden that needs to be fed with love of sunlight and cherished with passion… Any relationship is an endless process of development. We grow within it. We should never stop or settle for less.
4 Little Secrets Of a Successful Relationship
Let’s Make It Clear…
If you have something on your mind that’s been bugging you for some time – say it. You partner is not yet a magician or a mind reader to predict what you want or what you can possibly be annoyed with. It’s simple. Make it clear. It is a mistake most of us make by suppressing our feelings and hiding them from each other. Some of us have no problem expressing what we think. And if we want to learn how to clear the air without any useless fuss that’s what we need to take into consideration:
a) learning to shut up and listen
b) sharing values you believe in and why they are important to you
These two come hand in hand with each other. Some of us can listen, some of us may be very protective about the things we value the most and feel threatened at the same time. How can we develop those two skills? Practise! It is important to take a place of an observant once in a while and take some notes: how does that person reacts, feels… is he or she happy or melancholic? And if you see a “negative” response, make a pause and think: what is it that I might have done or that’s been said that might have upset her/him? The whole point of any communication is a reaction you are getting from it.
If you said you would do something for your loved one and failed to do that on many occasions – that might be one of the reasons of poor trust. If you have a tendancy to be late, never on time – this is also a broken promise. Change this habit and you would experience positive improvements not only in your relationship, but in your life generally.
“Whenever I ask my boyfriend to do something for me and he fails, I feel like I’m shutting myself down and then we just grow apart dramatically. He says that he helps only in cases he sees I truly “need” his help. Any other cases he disregards and says that I can do it all by myself, why wasting his time on my “Nonsense? The thing is, I never feel worthwhile” – Becky, 27/London
“I’m never successful in time management She does it like a pro on the other hand. Whenever she asks me to plan our vacation or a romantic gateway I’m struggling. It’s unnatural for me to organise anything. Why she often asks impossible out of me when she is capable to do it ten times quicker without disappointment never getting that from me?!” – James, 29/LA
Never promise more than you can deliver. But if you did give your loved one a promise, however small, never break it and make it your mission to deliver on time.
On A Same Side
It’s very important to remember: whatever the differences are, you and your partner are on a same side struggling to make sense of each other’s needs, feelings, emotions. And it’s great to keep in mind and check once in a while if you are on same side of understanding the current situation. What is it that your partner expects from you all the time? What is it that you want from your partner?
“Whenever a weekend comes, me and my bf always find ourselves in the middle of an argument how to spend this time. Whether we should go and visit some friends or just to spend this time together just the two of us? Shall we go for a mini city break when the whole Europe is so close, or just stay home and watch TV. We are never on a same page because he never says what he wants and it always sends me wondering” – Alice, 26/Brighton
Ask And You Shall Receive
I don’t know why but some people are struggling to learn how to ask about anything thinking that this will make then weak in the eyes of the others. But that’s not a case. The ability to ask deepens relationships making it even more trustworthy and intimate. If we ask our partner to do something for us – we belive he/she can do that. We are giving them the word of trust.
You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people to get what they want – Zig Ziglar
By Lesya Li
Photo by Julia Litvinko