4 Reminders For When You Don’t Feel Like You Fit In

trying to fit in

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” ― Dr. Seuss

By Joanna Hulin

Have you ever felt like you just don’t fit in? Do you look at others and wonder what’s missing?

We ask those questions and when we do, we often look for answers externally. We look at our friends’ social media updates and cast judgements, feel inferior or even try to conform, rather than staying true to ourselves.

We’re all different and better at being ourselves than trying to be someone else. So why not start recognising and celebrating our uniqueness by remembering these things…

4 Reminders For When You Don’t Feel Like You Fit In

#1 Not Fitting in is GOOD

Feeling like you don’t fit in often sounds like a bad thing. Yet, what if we choose to explore that feeling instead of writing it off as ‘negative’? Let’s use it as a guide.

The tension goes away when we recognise that feeling as a gentle nudge that tells us that we are not being true to ourselves.

We often try to change ourselves to feel more fulfilled, more accepted or to fit in. We might try and keep up with the Jones’, buy material items or even pretend to be someone we’re not to gain acceptance.

Acceptance only comes from within, it is never anything external.

The good news; your internal thoughts, emotions, feeling and fears are all created by you and can be changed by you. You can choose to be guided by and align your life to what feels right and authentic to you, or you can continue chasing the carrot by trying to fit in with others.

If you choose to be guided by what feels right to you then your task becomes to reconnect with yourself, to really listen to that part of you that is trying to guide you; I don’t fit in/I don’t want what they want/my job, life, possessions don’t make me happy etc. rather than looking externally to find fulfilment.

#2 We’re All Different… Thank Goodness!

No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you

How boring would it be if all looked, sounded, talked, liked, did the same things.

One of the beautiful things in life is the harmony of diversity. The night and the day, the light and the dark, the yin and the yang. It all works together in balance and harmony no matter the differences.

We all want different things from our one life and can all offer up something different to each other. The mistake is to lose connection with our uniqueness in pursuit of ‘fitting in’.

We are all different; what makes me come alive might bore you to tears, and vice versa.

Some people come alive when they are manipulating numbers. They get into ‘flow’ when they work with algorithms and equations. It’s a state where all thoughts, stresses, emotions and distractions stop. Then, when they come out of the experiences, they feel energised and full of life!

The same can be applied to any job, profession or vocation; teachers, farmers, chefs, scientists, personal trainers etc. If the core of your ‘job’ is doing what makes you come alive, your way of offering the world your unique skill, doing something you love every day – that thing you would do even if money didn’t exist; then you are most likely creating a life that will be fulfilling and rewarding.

If your job doesn’t involve coming alive in the slightest; if you have the Sunday evening dread and wish the week away before it’s even started, if you finish at 5pm and feel drained of any creativity, energy or passion and even perhaps feel negative or criticise others who seem happy or successful; then it’s time to stop trying to fit into that way of life and reconnect with yourself.

#3 I’m Not Right, I’m Not Wrong. I Just Am

On the flip side, there is a danger of people who have aligned their life to their passion and view their way as the only ‘right way’. Perhaps perceiving those who live a life that, from the outside, conforms to society lines as selling out. Yet, we all know that there is no one-size-fits-all.

We need to stay focused on accepting and respecting ourselves and each other’s difference. We have to shift our focus on what we can offer, rather than judge others on the way they choose to live their lives. You’re not right, or wrong. You just are.

You’re not right, or wrong. You just are.

do what is right quote

#4 Use What Makes You Come Alive as Your Guide

At the end of it all, you have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. When you align yourself and your life with what makes you come alive – you will find more fulfilment. And you will find no interest in looking at what your neighbour is doing and trying to keep up with them.

If you don’t know what makes you come alive, what your unique skill is – that’s great. You have taken the first step by becoming aware of that and being honest with yourself. You have already let yourself be your own guide.

It is now up to you, to make it your priority to reconnect with yourself and find what you makes you come alive.

When we old and grey, we will never regret making time to get to know ourselves better and allowing ourselves to be happier. Though, we might regret trying to be someone else, just to fit in… So don’t fit in. We are here to stand out.

photo source

Joanna Hulin
Joey is owner of Horizon Retreats, a company passionate about offering everyday, hardworking people Introduction to meditation, mindfulness and self-development classes, workshops, retreats in the UK and abroad www.horizonretreats.org  
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