I hear all the time that we are as happy as we set ourselves to be happy. We are as happy as we let ourselves to believe that it’s true. But that’s not always the case, is it?
I believe that we are as much the authors of our unhappiness as we are the authors of our bliss and contentment. Look at the evidence to that in your life. How many times did we choose to create ourselves extra problems, extra challenges and trouble to go through? I will talk about the reasons to that later on. But today I would like to focus on the common things that unite people who call themselves “unhappy”.
7 Highly Toxic Habits of Unhappy People
1. So You Have a Hard Life? Let’s Make it Even More Complicated!
By all means, let’s!
I knew a person whose life seemed to be pretty neat from the outside. But when you would talk to him you would get that weird bitter sense… As if this guy is somewhat masochist that simply gets his edge when he comes up with new challenges, creating problems and exaggerating them all. It seemed to me that he knows for sure HOW TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM. But he decides not to though. Why bother? What would he talk about then? About the weather? Nope, “not challenging” or cool enough to mention the weather when your own life reminds you of a bad horror movie that transforms into a soap opera if you look closer.
2. So Hey, What Do You Think About Me?!
I had this toxic habit for years and I still sometimes give in. It’s when you are so hang up on the opinions of others, that you forget to regard your own opinion about yourself. And we are who we are. We know better than anyone else who we are, what we do, and why we do things the way ONLY WE DO.
How does any other person possibly know how we feel about things and how we reflect on our lives? What other people think about you is absolutely irrelevant and we should seek for our own approval. Trust me, this will lead us to much better places when we stop focusing on opinions of others…
We all do that from time to time, let’s be honest. We compare our lives with others’ thinking that others are more blessed than we are disregarding the richness of our own blessings that someone else in the world would give anything to have… The more people compare their life with others, the unhappier they feel. They think that they were somehow excluded from that happiness. It’s not true.
We have what we have. It is the exact result of our efforts and decisions to get what we want. People seem to have more cool things, more exotic travels, more dining experiences in the best restaurants and they seem to know more than we do… IT’S LAA JUST AN ILLUSION.
If we believe that we deserve more, trust me, we would do virtually EVERYTHING possible to get ourselves to that desirable state.
4. Let’s Encircle Ourselves with Negative People!
There are so called “negative people” who would make even the grimmest day more miserable. Some people feel sorry for them, trying to cheer them up without realising that they are falling into their trap. And then, those slightly more positive people feel weird and all pessimistic as if that state came “out of the blue”.
I remember that weird aunt Helena which was one of the closest friends in my mum’s life. But after each visit my mum seemed different. She had migraines and a grim mood. It took years for her to realise that being around some negative people is simply not worth it. Some people become so incompatible with your life, that for the sake of everybody we need to let them go. So she did. My mum enriched her life with positive people with whom she likes to communicate, share a pleasant mood and, dare I say, positive energies.
People that are in our lives have a great influence and we need to choose wisely which influence we want around us.
5. Chasing Perfection Ends Up in Tears
Among other toxic habits of unhappy people is the strive to make things around them absolutely PERFECT. This never ending chase for perfecting everything usually ends up in tears. When we wish for the things to be a certain way and 8 out of 10 times this never happens – the dissatisfaction with life increases accordingly. What we need to do is to learn to let go. We need to learn to find comfort in uncomfortable and far from perfect world.
6. Negative Magnets
I had this for years… It’s when your focus serves as a magnet to every negative memory. You think about painful things all at once. The more we think about the negatives, the more we re-live those things – the more pain we get in return. It’s a mind trap. We run in the loop unable to break the cycle. But it only takes one decision to change the way we see things. When we appreciate all that happened to us, even the most painful experiences and when we see them through the glasses of a witness – the pain dissolves.
7. Lost in the Middle of Times
This is my all time favourite. We spent hours thinking about the past with remorse… Then we think, obsess and stress about the future completely disregarding the PRESENT moment.
It’s such a useless thing to do. And it pains me when I myself still fall for that trick. It’s challenging to stay afloat in the present moment, but I’m working on it. And I’m sure you are too.
If negativity and unhappiness are currently present in your life it is very likely that they serve you somehow. Think about it. What sort of lesson do they bring? What do you get out of that state?
We have the power to change for the better, BUT… only if we decide to do so.
Photo from vk.com