Drama & Love Are Not The Same Things
Does he come to your house at 2 A.M. professing his undying love for you and then not call for a week? Do you break up and get back together repeatedly?
Does she hold out the promise of commitment and then change her mind? Do you?
Is there cheating, lying, fighting, drinking or screaming? Does this sound like a bad TV show or your love life?
Drama and love are not same things. Love is safe, stable, something you can count on. Drama is intense, regular doses of it can be extremely draining and it can swallow up the rest of your life.
An emotionally intense relationship can increase your attachment to someone, but this isn’t loving. It also isn’t sustainable or healthy.
Let’s face it, drama can pull you right in. It’s there in your face and demands your attention immediately. It’s so intense to get a text at 3 A.M. or to navigate the highs and lows of a stormy relationship. On again, off again, waiting for a call or a text. Will he or won’t he? Will you or won’t you?
We humans don’t live in caves anymore or have life and death struggles on a daily basis. Most of us live ordinary lives in comfortable homes and have our basic physical needs met. Sometimes, we can get hooked on drama because it makes us feel alive in a way that a regular old 9-5 lifestyle just can’t.
A little bit of adrenaline can help us wake up to life and get motivated. Things like signing up for a race, extreme sports or a tough deadline at work help us get fired up.
We all need a challenge or a big dream to help us feel like we’re going somewhere in life. If we don’t have this, regular doses of relationship drama can provide a distraction. An unstable relationship may be exciting at first, but it can eventually become draining.
A tumultuous relationship can sap your energy and your confidence. You never know where you stand with your so-called significant other and it erodes your sense of stability and security. It can bleed into the rest of your life and interfere with your career, your other relationships, or even your health.
If you have a significant other who is troublesome or a troubled relationship, it can be all-encompassing. It also makes it easier to feel like you’re the “together” person, the responsible one.
It’s Time For a Sanity Check!
If you’ve been subsisting on a steady diet of relationship drama, it’s time for a sanity check! Ask yourself what it is about this situation that is serving you. It’s not all about the other person because you are tolerating this situation in your life. You are making space for this.
What kind of relationship do you want to have? Is it possible with this person now? Not in six months, if they finally change and things settle down. Now.
If you really want to have a stable relationship, then it’s time to set some boundaries. This can be tough because people often tolerate drama to distract themselves from being alone or dealing with other areas of their lives.
If you’re ready to end the drama, you must take responsibility for the fact that you have tolerated it in your life and then stop.
Drama can be very distracting, even addictive, but it is ultimately unsatisfying. If you’re ready to move on, start today by deciding not to tolerate it and choosing a more stable life. You can still watch bad TV.
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