People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost. ― Dalai Lama XIV
We always have a place in life for a close circle of friends with whom we share every moment of victory, a small and yet exciting discovery and every piece of mind. And some of us expect a certain reaction of approval and encouragement from people to keep following the path of self-development and growth. Whenever I tripped I always had those who would catch me as I was one foot from the ground about to hit my head because of the decisions I’ve made, things I’ve said and roads I’ve taken.
I always expected a certain reaction from people around me as if they were my puppets that had to react in the exact way I wanted them based on the systems of beliefs that developed in me from the moment I was born.
But most of all I was suffering in the process of hitting myself against the wall of someone else’s negative opinions trying to shutter my motivation. I was constantly in a race for approval of certain people in my life. I wouldn’t even call them close ones or friends. And today a feeling of a true liberation occurred. And I will do my best to share it with you.
1. No Negative Feedback
There is no such thing as negative feedback. Repeat after me. There is no such thing as negative feedback. The only thing from ANY feedback that we can get – is an opportunity to grow beyond ourselves. Don’t go too deep trying to analyse why certain people said certain things that are not always pleasant to hear. Don’t even go there… There are countless reasons for one reaction or another and only ONE life that you should not have any desire to waste in order to obsess over somebody else’s opinions.
If only I understood this 5 years ago – it’s unimaginable how many of those nerve cells would have been saved 🙂
2. At Peace With Your Inner Self
I made an observation. Whenever I felt worthless the worst was always when I received feedback. And it’s not surprising that, being in a bad mood, everything looked like dark stormy clouds and tornados. But one day I made an effort to distance myself in order to see a bigger picture and I suddenly realised that worrying about others’ negative opinions was never worthwhile. And that technique of distancing from that brings me peace. I just recalled when my mum used to check my essays and had a tendency to say: “Well, you are NOT Shakespeare, but that was a good effort”!
And I remember myself being completely shuttered after these words as not only me, but most of us have this little habit to dramatise and exaggerate things that we hear. And in my mind for many years I had those words that my mum NEVER said: “You are a bad writer. If Shakespeare was alive he would laugh long and loud while reading your essays!” See the difference? What I see now is that my mum wishes what’s best for me and she wouldn’t dare to hurt me but in reality it was my twisted mind of limiting beliefs that turned her words around into calling me a bad writer.
What my mum wished for me is to improve as a writer, practice and discover more. That’s all. So STOP that “SELF TALK” that tries to keep you in your comfort zone by imposing limiting beliefs and take life for the way it is. It is easier to believe that you can’t do something and not to take any action than to believe in yourself and achieve results. The Comfort zone is when we are scared to fail so we don’t even try and others’ opinions give us reasons not to try. You need to understand that you do not have limits and you can do anything that brings you happiness. You just need to stop listening to negative opinions and be in harmony with yourself because if you are in harmony with yourself – You are invincible.
3. Not Your Opinion
If somebody shares an opinion and it doesn’t feel like it is in harmony with you – that’s fine. It’s JUST an opinion. It doesn’t mean you have to adopt it as yours. No. From the moment you are born and till this very moment, your system of beliefs is forming. Some are limiting and some are liberating. EVALUATE. Their opinion has NOTHING to do with your system of beliefs. Only you are here to decide to take anything as THE ONLY SOURCE OF TRUTH in respect of someone else’s opinion.
Be free from opinions and someone else’s limiting beliefs.
Opinions are like seasons – they constantly change.
It’s your life. I wish for you to make the most of it.