We might get jealous when we assume that our partner is more interested in spending time with someone else. We get jealous when people we care about spend more time with new friends assuming that they move us to the background of their life. We might get jealous because of the accomplishments of others at work that undermine our own. We even get jealous when we see and think that other people have and attract more fun into their life than we do… We suffer from the pain that jealousy brings along.
What harm does it really bring to the picture? Can we ever release ourselves from it?
I get jealous sometimes. I’m not going to deny that. And when it happens I don’t really like the person it turns me into. But rather than suppressing and denying that feeling, like many techniques suggest, I do the opposite.
I imagine myself standing on top of a mountain looking down the valley. I see the bigger picture. I observe. I see those thoughts that bring me grief as they are. I see the message that they bring without engaging them. I sheerly acknowledge them, then let them go once I realise their meaning.
“Jealousy, Turning Saints into the Sea”
Have you ever had a painful physical experience the recollection of which gives you goosebumps every time you think about it? What does it have to do with jealousy? It’s simple. Jealousy is a straightforward backlash from a past trauma or shock. Jealousy appears when any present situation plays as a trigger to remind us about some sort of a painful experience in our past.
This fear to be abandoned is hard to forget or suppress. It hurts us so deeply, it’s almost unbelievable how painful it is, especially when you have a story or two from your experience to back it up. Some of you may recall an awful divorce of your parents. Some of you may fear to be left by your friends and partners… It is challenging to tackle this fear. And when we do nothing about it, that fear gains total control over us. That’s when more bad news starts unrolling themselves.
But WHO ON EARTH would want to feel this helpless and awful?! We can work it out. We can change that.
All Masks OFF
Jealousy unrolls when we don’t see its presence. It acts and unfolds even more… It might be very unpleasant to take its mask off and face it. Why? Because hardly ever we like to acknowledge the existence of things we don’t admire about ourselves. But we should do that regardless how unpleasant they seem at first.
See its presence and understand the meaning of it. Jealousy tells you about your past experience when you got hurt. Your past tells you that you should be scared of a possibility of a new pain of abandonment. Does it make any sense? It’s completely acceptable to feel what you feel. No one likes when someone mistreats you and breaks your trust turning it into dust. But understand that that particular situation stays in the past. Tell your previous version of self that you are grateful for this reminder and that you are letting go of that pain. That you are ready to move on.
Why do you feel pain? In my case, it was because I had a way too self-centered outlook on the world and what has been happening around me.
When my parents divorced I had this false idea that “I wasn’t good enough”, that my dad didn’t love me and therefore he left. When my friend disappeared during one of the most challenging times of my life, once again I felt as if “I wasn’t worthy of his love”, his friendship and a simple hug. But the truth is, my dad simply left because their relationship with my mum simply stopped working. And my friend also had his OWN REASONS to go on with his life.
Conclusion? Not everything in this universe happens BECAUSE of me. And whatever the reasons are for people to do what they do – it has nothing to do with me personally. They all go through their own challenges and I just have to learn to be more compassionate towards them… That’s all.
We should let go of our attachment to the situations that happened in the past. We should mindfully release ourselves from this suffering.
With time, your wounds of the past will heal. Be patient, be mindful. Let it go and be free…