As I stand up, acknowledge, and validate these emotions, something weird happens. They disappear. As though, they were never real in the first place, just an illusion created in my mind. A cloud dispersing into the mist. A reflection from a mirror which turns out to be a clear window instead...
"If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you at all." Change is that unique spice that gets thrown into the mix of life, and we all get to experience it. And yet, change is not something we tend to get on with easily because most of us have grown up with the notion that change is potentially something "troublesome" or even dangerous when in fact it could be easily just another beginning of a new exciting and exhilarating adventure!
After facing a chain of traumatic events in a short space of time and having an outburst of emotions to deal with; I got curious and wanted to look closer into how we process our emotions in the Western society. I discovered that we seem to be polarized in our approach to dealing with our feelings. We either don’t validate them and adopt the position of “I’m fine, really, I’M FINE” through gritted teeth or we’re encouraged to wallow in them and make an identity out of the story, whilst in the background we’re told to shove some pills down our throat to ease the pain.
What if I tell you that I have seen you every time you tried to hide. Every time you thought of running away or actually did run away because you were too unsure you can face your problems. What if I tell you that I was there when you couldn't stand to fight for what you have always wanted because you thought it was bigger than what you could take. What if I tell you that I knew how you let your problems outgrow you when you decided to avoid them.
As a law student and lawyer, I tried to think my way to a better life. I tried to think my way out of my depression. I failed completely. By the time I realized I had to stop thinking, I was mired in student debt, working at a job I hated, and taking pills every day just to get by. I still take antidepressants, but the other things have changed. How? I had to let go of my ruminating, overthinking rational self, and let intuition guide me to the answer. When you listen, the small voice of intuition speaks wise words.
You want to feel needed, wanted and loved. You crave that special someone's touch, kiss, and affection hoping that they will love you back as much as you do. And that’s perfectly natural. But what happens when you are in the wrong relationship when everything you do is to please your partner?
It’s easy to get swept up in the hype of what everyone else is doing. It’s even more easy to lose yourself when you’re in a group following a certain path. I was part of a group of people who enrolled in a personal development course, and while it was a powerful and life changing course, something inside of me felt off. It was time to break free.
All the literature on grief seemed to be telling me my life would be in tatters for years. I was determined not to accept this. Running away from grief was not an option, but I could cycle through it. My late partner had wanted to cycle the British coast to coast in one day; I would take on the challenge in his memory.