Create a Kinder Mind: How to Stop Your Negative Self-Talk

Create a Kinder Mind: How to Stop Your Negative Self-Talk

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” – Buddha

Negative self-talk is something that all of us experience once in a while. Maybe you’re the exception I don’t know.  But research shows that us humans have anything from 55’000 to 75’000 thoughts each day, but guess what… up to 80% of those thoughts can be Negative…

That figure is staggering!!

However, with practice, you can replace these negative thinking patterns with thoughts that help and make a difference to your day to day happiness.

The reason I focused this blog around negative self-talk is because I have suffered from it in the past, badly.  Even now I get the negative chitter chatter.  

You see I have this dream/goal to become an International Motivational Speaker.  Each night I visualize this.  I go into great depths, about what I’ll be wearing and what the audience will be like.  Les Brown introducing me onto the stage, receiving a standing ovation afterward.  I have even gone over the words I will say.

But and it’s a big BUT, I constantly get this negative Nelly in my head telling me I’m not good enough, I’m not academic enough, I’m not well known enough, who wants to listen to Sam Adams!!  

Those of you who know me, know that I have a great mindset I’m a positive happy person, I am living my dream life I really have nothing to complain about, but yet through all this I get the Negative Nellys in my head!!

So why does that happen?  

Well, there is loads of scientific stuff around it and how our brains work.  But what I do know is that our brains find it easier to focus on the negative than the positive.  We are also surrounded by negative crap on the tv and social media.  I personally don’t look for that stuff, I choose to focus on the positive, but still, I get the Nellys!

Negative Nelly’s are a bitch, they can steal your Happiness, zap your energy and stop you enjoying your life.  I could just say why not try just approving of yourself instead, but hey that’s just not so easy!

A few years ago, I used a technique which involved wearing an elastic band on my wrist.  Recently I heard someone call it snap happy.  So basically every time you catch yourself having negative self-talk you pull the band and give yourself a sharp slap on the wrist, and trust me it fricking hurts lol. Now it did check my thoughts to a certain degree because I firmly believe that Awareness is the first step in managing this.

Another technique I used is to stop and check in with my thoughts a few times throughout the day.  Asking myself ‘What am I thinking?’ ‘What am I feeling?’

Recognising your thoughts become aware of when you’re having a negative thought, think about the area of your life it refers to.  For example, you could have thoughts about work, your body image, relationship or failing at something.

It’s not easy as all of our thoughts are automatic and we have formed a habit.  Habits aren’t easy to break, it’s not going to happen in a week, it will take some focus and practice but it can be done.

It’s a case of forming new habits, like saying positive affirmations to yourself and out loud.

Affirmations are basically specific statements that you say out loud to yourself to help overcome self-sabotaging negative thoughts.  

Take control of your consistent emotions and begin to consciously and deliberately reshape your daily experience of life

When I first started using affirmations I felt very uncomfortable.  A bit like most things when we try it for the first time!  But with practice, it is now just part of what I do.  I firmly came to believe in them when I was going through a difficult time once… the affirmations just seem to kick in when I desperately needed them, they got me through.

They can help you visualize, and believe in what you’re affirming to yourself, helping you make positive changes to your life and career.

If you’re experiencing Negative self-talk you could also try and think “What would my best friend say to me”  or what would you say to your best friend if they were experiencing this!

So there are just a few things that I do to get rid of the Negative Self-Talk, try them and let me know how you get on.  

Comment and share any ideas or techniques that you use.

But most of all remember – Live Happy.

Sam Adams

Sam Adams

Sam Adams is a Motivational Speaker and Happiness coach, helping people lead Happier and more positive daily lives.   She hosts a Happiness Retreat in Spain several times a year called Rhythm of Life Retreat.   Also a Property Investor she currently spends some of her time in Spain where she is renovating a house.  She is very active on social media, you can check out her page on Facebook, her Facebook group Rhythm of Life.  Also, find her on Instagram @sammotives and Twitter.
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