“You are strong when you know your weaknesses. You are beautiful when you appreciate your flaws. You are wise when you learn from your mistakes.” –Unknown
In the era of #iwokeuplikethis Instagram scams, where no makeup usually means heavily applied foundation or a very strong filter, disappointment in the reality of things comes as a given – especially when you are dating online.
With the fast-paced lives we are all leading, finding a partner online has become a new-age form of promenade walks and everyone seems to be hopping on board. And why shouldn’t they? An online dating profile comes with a subliminal promise that your soul mate is just a click away which is pretty big – especially when you have no time to look elsewhere. And it’s not just that. There is a very palpable sense of commodity that comes with this soul mate saga – sit on the sofa after a 15-hour-long day at work, put your feet up and scroll through your potential lovers. Then, while all cozied up in your pajamas, hit “like” and get them to like you back. Voila – you’ve added another option to your “potential soul mate list”. Easy!
Dating in The Era of Photoshopped Reality – How to Have Confidence
The battle with imperfections
Unfortunately, not everything is as easy as it seems. While we do have the option to find some amazing people online and even move the online excitement into the datable reality, we often tend to drop even the most beautiful of connections fearing that – once things move past the online status – we’ll be rejected or not good enough. Mostly, we’re afraid our physical appearance either won’t match our potential partner’s expectations or add up to the (usually) photoshopped photos of ourselves we’d posted online. It is safe to say that the illusion of the way we look has gotten bigger than ourselves, causing global insecurity in the youth which are gambling their dates away.
Are we to blame for this insecurity nonsense? Yes. We’ve let the photoshopped realities overtake a truth so powerfully that we’ve collectively gotten so afraid of imperfection that we’ve possibly stepped into pathology. After all, it’s been a few decades now that we’re picking up idols from retouched magazine covers and celebrity posters, subconsciously convincing us that our realities aren’t even remotely as smooth (read: retouched) as theirs. If history has taught us anything, it’s that human nature is wired for greater things than those given. With that in mind, it doesn’t really come as a surprise that we’ve been trying so hard to keep up with the photoshopped, even though we’ve always known that battle leads nowhere other than the unachievable.
The rise of Tinder and the dating horrors
The shallow has become so overwhelming that even dating apps have embraced it as their main modus operandi. For instance, one of many dating and sex apps, Tinder, functions on the principle of objectifying what you are offered and then clicking “yes” on what you visually like. Is this really the way you want to meet your partner? Not really.
Instead of downloading yet another app that’ll help your blemishes disappear or get you all tanned, invest in building your self-esteem, even if it means building it from scratch. Trust us when we say this – a confident person is way hotter than a shallow one, both online and offline. Poor self-esteem is the number one cause of unhealthy relationships. You should follow first date tips that encourage you to focus on mutual chemistry and common interests rather than the superficiality of photoshopped expectations. After all, getting to know each other is way more important than falling for a false image – whether it’d be a photoshopped photo or a photoshopped personality.
Here are our favorite actions to boost your self-confidence:
Get to know yourself
Often, we get so wrapped up in the imposed and the expected that we forget to remember who we were at the beginning of everything. Go back to your initial wants, desires, thoughts and feelings – and give yourself the permission to fall in love with yourself. When you know who you are – no matter how “off” that may be in comparison to the world around you – you are already one huge step ahead. A confident person is someone who loves themselves, and there’s no reason for you not to be that person.
A smile is an instant boost of happy feelings! When you smile, your whole body vibes positively and you are giving away a sense of a happy, confident, approachable person. Your smile is worth more than any layer of bronzer. Use it for happiness!
Don’t shy away
Everything about you is a stamp you’ve left on this world – be proud of it! No matter how seemingly small or insignificant your achievements appear to be, be happy you were the one who’s made them. Look forward and be happy about the future you are yet to build. Never put yourself down – you are way too amazing for that.
Mingle with different people
Regardless if you are an introvert or an extrovert, spending time with people of different profiles will get you to engage socially and challenge your own ability to be comfortable with who you are even when surrounded with people you’re not used to having around. This will help you open up and stand behind everything you are. It’s an amazing self-esteem boost!
Good luck on your journey to SoulMate Ville and make sure you stop for some Self-confidence along the way.