Most of the time, we live between not knowing what we want and hesitating to get what we need. Why do we live without giving any thought to that sometimes?
Are we truly uncertain on the subject of all the things that mean something to us? Or are we just afraid to go for it? Do we really know what we want in a relationship? Or do we just hang in there happy that we have one no matter how unsatisfied some things might be?
Do You Know What You Want in a Relationship?
Different People Want Different Things
I’ve heard that many times. Many couples were driven away from each other because of this fundamental thing. Yet something somehow draws those people together in the first place.
People are often not on the same page like this all time classic: she wants commitment, he wants to have fun. And regardless of all the red flags she still believes that the situation will change. It might. That’s not the point. The point is it’s a matter of time. When that girl that desperately wants her man to be with her forever and he doesn’t share the same hope, she wastes her time. She still believes that she is capable of changing her man and that he will be committed to her 100% while, on the other hand, he couldn’t care less.
“I dated Michael for 6 years. I can’t believe it took so long to realise that we weren’t going anywhere. We wanted different things. He wanted to get married and start a family. And me… I just wanted to travel and write stories about that. The only thing I was committed to was discovering the world. I never felt any guilt for attempting to live my life as I pleased. So I let Michael go. No matter how painful it was at that time – it was for the best. Of that, I’m sure.” – shared Margarita.
I Didn’t Want to Be Lonely. She Didn’t Mind…
I had this argument with my friend. He often calls me to share yet another amusing story about his personal life. About new girls that fell prey to his charm. He is smart, successful and has a great sense of humour. There is one problem, though. He is restless about finding his ultimate soulmate. To me, he “falls in love” too fast and burns out too soon. To set the record straight, he gets bored too soon.
“Aren’t you tired of all this?” – I asked him once.
“I didn’t want to be lonely. She didn’t mind…” – he gave me the answer.
“Oh, yeah? Why don’t get a dog then so you don’t feel lonely?!” – I continued.
“Wow, lol. No! The dog is, you know… almost forever. A girl is… well, I’m not that certain. I get bored too fast. That is my main problem. I guess, I have to lower my standards,” – he concluded.
And it sends me wondering. If we don’t get what we want in a relationship, should we lower our standards for the “candidates” then? I don’t know. But then again satisfaction will be excluded out of the equation in this case…
I’m Just Not There Yet…
Another interesting example I had in my life…
“I was a success driven person. I didn’t want to commit to anyone any I loved my work the most. The relationship for me was an utter waste of time at that time. I was committed to myself and I was improving my skills, my life, and my world. Whenever I decided to go on vacation – I would just twist the globe and go wherever my eyesight landed. Whenever I wanted to go out with my friends and come back home in the morning – no one would be there to give me a lecture. Whenever I wanted to buy something – I would just go and buy it. I loved my freedom and I enjoyed that.
But then the time came when I found that something was missing. Whenever I came back home with news on achievements – I just had no one to share them with. That’s when it hit me… I’ve experienced that thirst for love and connection that I never even looked for. I was ready for it… So I got what I wanted when I met my husband whom I adore.” – shared Lena.
Her example pictures that perfect frame where you have the time for your own development and then the time to share your life with the right person that comes along when you are truly ready…
Identify What You Want.
Have the courage to sit and think about all of the things you want to experience in a relationship. Think about the things you are missing out and want to introduce to the existing relationship or a future one.
When you don’t know EXACTLY where you are going – you will end up in a random place! Think about it for a second.
You deserve better things in life. Better people, better relationships. Let yourself have them. Believe that you deserve it. And you will get it. Be committed. Identify your needs and go for it full steam ahead.