Love is not just a feeling, but a state of being and a way of living everyday…
Having grown up surrounded by fear I longed for freedom and love, but this took finding enough bravery in myself to discover what that really means to be free; authentically me, trusting in love and able to be loved freely!
Genuine Happiness: 10 Ways to Live Freely in Love
1. Free of Other People’s Fear
I’ve learnt that fear sucks the life out of me, so don’t waste your energy!
I stopped surrounding myself or engaging in drama, futile power struggles and unhealthy imbalanced relationships. If something doesn’t feel right for me I say No in words and actions — step back, turn off, don’t get involved or walk away.
2. Free From Censoring
Don’t waste time and energy on lying, hiding, avoiding or pretending to be something or someone you’re not. Dance as though no one is watching, laugh from your belly and speak without worry!
I no longer censor myself for fear of shame, embarrassment or guilt. I am me, no matter what – authentic, vulnerable, emotional, honest, playful and thoughtful!
Becoming authentic though meant facing my own fear of rejection, isolation, punishments and exposure, but in reality I was greeted by acceptance, love, honesty and trust — I just had to brave to receive it!
“To thine own self be true” – W. Shakespeare
3. Freedom From Work, Do What I Love
“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” ― Confucius
This meant not only shifting perception, but choosing to stop working! Work was connected to struggle, fear, servitude, a conditional reward system and restriction.
My aim to have fun and be paid simply for being me; sharing my experiences and skills — This is an ongoing journey, but I’m on the right path. If I’m not enjoying myself then I question why am I doing it…
4. Physical Freedom
When we’re relaxed and healthy we become fluid, soft and balanced and can be as strong as water and flow with life…
Good health and balance is priority, so I’m free from tension, pain, illness and suffering.
For most of my life I’d suffered from either internally with food allergies, stomach ulcers from repressed emotions and then in my muscles and nervous system after suffering from PTSD and abuse. I experienced panic attacks and started displaying OCD behaviour.
I’d heal one thing and something else would pop up…
I reached breaking point when I was struggling to walk and sleeping was painful, as my muscles were so tense. I would wake up completely rigid. I was hyper alert; my nervous system was permanently ready for danger; my body had literally become a prison.
The first step was accepting I was emotional and naturally sensitive to my surroundings, other people and energy.
By becoming kind towards myself and giving me full permission to express how I felt I could begin to let go gradually…
I have an ongoing daily, weekly and monthly maintenance plan which stops me from getting a build-up of tension
I release by stretching/yoga, dancing, swimming, walking, cycling, meditation and energy clearing. I let go of old pain and new emotions appropriately and uncensored through talking, crying, shouting, writing, scribbling or beating up my bed and prayer and I have regular massages.
5. Free From Addiction
A substitute is only that – temporary!
I’d used a lot of control methods to hide my true self, suppress my desires and anger at not being free and substituting love with false idols.
So freedom also meant breaking the power of sugar and my crutch made of chocolate [a LOVE substitute] – I used to have a seriously unhealthy relationship, now I am no longer dependent, but can enjoy it occasionally.
I removed wheat predominately out of my diet, because it was a substitute my hunger for life and to temporarily fill the void inside and although for a while it worked, my body would soon respond badly with bloating, upset and headaches.
I began adding to my diet green smoothies every morning to boost my immune system.
I listen to my desire and eat when I’m hungry – uncensored, what tastes good and my body desires. No shame, fear or guilt — now I graze, eating about seven to eight times a day, small amounts
I feel satisfied, full of energy, free of cravings and fitter and healthier than I’ve ever been.
6. Freedom to Be Free
Don’t waste you’re most precious and limited commodity – TIME
My diary, time keeping and how I spend my day is based around what suits me.
I have framework based on my needs, like my bedtime, walking the dog and how I start every day, but there’s also a looseness which allows for flexibility.
I give myself full permission to do what I want, when and where I want….
If in the day I want to stop writing and go surfing, walk the dog, see a friend for coffee, just lie around in the sun, listen to music, or meditate I do.
If I don’t want to do something, because it doesn’t feel right – I don’t!
All my choices and actions are congruent and meaningful, because they come from what feels right for me.
7. Free to Change My Mind
The river’s path is winding, not a straight line!
This was tricky, but once I challenged my belief that I was in a race for love and recognition I could follow my heart instead.
I can now try new things less afraid of making mistakes or letting anyone down if I change my mind…
8. Free To Let Other People Be Free
Love is abundant, it comes from many places and none is more important than another – love is love!
Being free, meant also letting go of expectations or other people.
I hated feeling judged, dominated and controlled by other people and worse the pain of disappointment and shame of being let down – I’ve never wanted to do that to someone else, but I was doing it too, as I had been taught by being dependent and afraid.
Freedom is the basis of true love…
So I chose to create my life around the words below, freeing my interactions and relationships to be genuine and without obligation, duty, control and a fear based dependency.
I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
(Fritz Perls, “Gestalt Therapy Verbatim“, 1969)
9. Free to Be Self-Focused Not Lacking In Myself
I love me enough to love you freely…
By becoming self-focused on my needs I learnt to put my oxygen mask on first so I could help other people freely without expectations as an independent adult, instead of dependent on making them happy so I existed and mattered – giving to get back!
I share my heart freely and abundantly and stand beside someone else and support them, because I feel safe in knowing I’ve always got my back.
10. Free to Trust – No Punishment Or Worry
Freedom is not a sacrifice or something to be punished for…
To have freedom doesn’t mean I have to lose or miss out on other things such as relationships, money, success, love, belonging etc…
Freedom comes from trusting in the abundance of life…
So I continually encourage myself to let go and trust that I am capable, trust that I am lovable and worthy to be loved just as I am, because the alternative was pretty dark, painful and lonely.
I don’t have to fill my life with self-punishment, criticism, expectations and anxiety…
By letting go and trusting myself, love and other people I’ve found I’m healthier, life flows gracefully, I have more fun and love is abundant and FREE!