‘Be the change you want to see in the world’ – Mahatma Gandhi
Such a wonderful quote don’t you think?
To me, this quote means everything. It’s how I lead my life today and I try extremely hard on daily basis.
For so long I expected others to change who they were to fit into my life. I expected others to behave in certain ways, to love me more, to give me more and to be the way I wanted them to be. I never ever considered that for others to change, I had to change my ways first. (Not that you can change others but it’s when you work on yourself then miracles can actually happen).
I see so many people complaining in their lives. Complaining about their jobs, partners, family members, circumstances, money and the list goes on! But what so many don’t seem to grasp is that if you complain and focus on what ISN’T right in your life then you get more of that bad stuff!
A friend of mine recently was beginning to get tired and frustrated at the fact that her son was still wetting the bed at nights. He is 7 years old and can sometimes go through the night nice and dry but at least once or twice a week he forgets to get up at night and go to the bathroom. Sadly, she started to get frustrated with him, telling him off for doing it and making him feel bad for what was going on. It wasn’t that she wanted to be mean, it was just that she knew he could do it and was just concerned about whether he had some issues she didn’t know about or that he’d never grow out of it.
The thing was the more she focused on the ‘problem’ the worse it got to the extent that he continually wet the bed. In the end she’d had enough and spoke to me about it. I understood where she was coming from but I explained that perhaps there were some deeper issues he was dealing with and that her constant ‘nagging’ and making him feel bad was just making it worse. Perhaps she needed to focus more on when he did have a dry night and perhaps think about putting him back in nappies.
You may think that was strange; however there is a method in this madness. I just felt that leaving the decision up to him when he was happy to not wear nappies anymore and taking the pressure off would help him with whatever issues he was having, plus it would open him up more because currently he just felt like he was disappointing his mum.
My friend also decided to no longer speak about it anymore to him and that when he decided to leave the nappies off at nights, she’d be more than happy to support him. She also said that she’d reward him for each time he’d had a dry night, just like she used to do when he was younger. Because her attitude had changed and because she no longer was grumpy and upset with him, guess what? Yep, he now continues to have dry nights even with the nappy on! It’s still work in progress but they are both happier than they’ve been for ages.
You see, my point, although somewhat long winded, is that it’s up to us as the person who wants to see the change to make the change ourselves. If we can send out the light to those who need it most, at the time when all there seems to be is darkness, then the light will surely overpower the darkness in the end. In other words, if we change ourselves then that change will almost certainly open the doors for others to want to change too. And if they do well, we’ll be so much happier in the long run because we’ll not be putting ourselves through the pain by being the ones who are unhappy all of the time.
In so many circumstances I’ve had the opportunity of seeing miracles happen before my very eyes just by changing myself and my attitude. If I give out love instead of fear to those closest to me, I tend to always get love back. However if I have an attitude, am argumentative or just in a bad mood, all I ever seem to get is bad stuff! It’s when we truly are the change that we want to see in others, that is where the miracle enters into our lives.
So instead of worrying about what others are doing, what they are not giving you or how bad their attitude is, perhaps try responding in a way that is the total opposite to the way you would normally react. Try it for 7 days and I promise you, you will see a miraculous change in you (first and foremost) and especially in them.
If you have something you want to change please do share below, I’d love to know what that is and how you are aiming to change you to get better results.
By Paula Lawes
Photo from vk.com