Plenty of books have been written, a million words have been spoken. Arguments, debates and more things to battle about to come… Parents and kids. Who are they?
A couple of weeks ago I came across the words of a great mastermind Osho and I decided to share them with friends on my Facebook profile. And I was surprised how many issues were raised in the comments section afterwards. Here is the piece I’m talking about.
Children Are Not Parents’ Possession!
“The whole idea that children are your possession is wrong.
They are born through you, but they do not belong to you.
You have a past, they have only a future.
They are not going to live according to you.
To live according to you will be almost equivalent to not living at all.
They have to live according to themselves in freedom, in responsibility, in danger, in challenge.”
I have a very few things to add really. We are not talking about parents as our role models or close friends (believe me those are still in existence). We are talking about people, who see their kids as a new version of themselves, as a chance to play a new life, as a chance to start again through new body and spirit.
Me and my parents
My mum is like that, I’m afraid. She was 21 when I was born. She is a surgeon. Always busy, always buzzing around with a million things to do.. She gave me away to my grand parents and my aunt Angela for couple of years to finish her Medical Uni properly without me getting in the way. Please don’t take me wrong here. I’m not judging anybody. I’m just trying to share some facts of my life correctly without extra emotions warbling around. So yes. A couple of the first years of my life I saw my mum occasionally – once or twice a year because we lived in two different countries. So we failed to develop a strong mother-daughter connection between us. And when I was about to finish my school “suddenly” enough she took an active interest in my life trying to persuade me to jump into medical career as she did. Wow! And every attempt to explain that I’m not into those sorts of things, that I love writing, singing and dancing were met with mum’s and my step dad’s wide ironic smile and such words as: “what a nonsense! This things will never make you rich or famous! There are people out there who took all available space in every one of those fields so there is no place left for you. So stop writing your stupid book about cheesy stuff and think about your future. Seriously think about it and do as We say!”
Should I tell you that neither of my parents have read a darn page of my book or heard me singing 🙂 ?! But what a strong belief they had that I will fail in life only because I didn’t become ether a doctor or an economist (as my step dad)…
It makes me laugh now recalling my childhood and interest in everything wonderful and unexplained! Psychology, philosophy, astronomy, ayurveda, yoga, Nepal, horoscope… Once I got myself in trouble when my step-dad asked me to pop into a shop for some bread and I refused as it “wasn’t a good day” to do so as my horoscope said 😉 The talk was short. My step-dad got pretty mad, rushed into my bookcase full of books with all my interests, took that pile and dashed it into the rubbish bin… That story pushed me a little bit further to shut down from my parents. Completely.
It would have been awful if I stayed where I was with parents. I was 19 when I first came to London to be free, to be myself and do what I love the most! The main idea is to do what you love and never be pushed by anybody. Whatever it takes.
The Freedom Of Choice
Everybody is searching for happiness but not everybody understands that what is good for you is not exactly the best for me. We have to respect that. We have to respect each other no matter what path has been chosen. The universe has a place for everyone. Parents’ job is not to push their kids to live their life again as a better version of them but to embrace everything that their kids love and make them believe – no – make them undoubtedly and 100% sure that they CAN succeed and they CAN change the world no matter what. A wise man said that people think there is life and everything around us and that it is all fixed and we cannot change it. But once you realise that every person including you makes up that life and that anyone can change it – that is where you realise there is no limit and you are the one who can change everything. It is parents’ job to make you realise that. All we need is love and freedom to be ourselves… Here and now.
By Lesya Ll
Photos by EastNews