Five years ago I found myself single after a harsh and uneasy break up. I did it because I felt fit to do that and sure now have no regrets like I had before. Not every relationships are “romantic book” perfect and when we feel stuck we have to break trough in order to move on.
I wouldn’t call our relationship with my ex an epic and mind blowing love. We had a little in common. To be completely honest with you, we had absolutely NOTHING in common. But yet something drew us together spontaneously. No logic could have make sense out of that mess i called a relationship back then.
But everything has it’s natural finale and when that passion dried out as a tiny river in the summer season I got bored. The silence inside me grew louder. Ive become numb and stuck. Suddenly I realised that I didn’t even remember who I was before knowing him. The feeling of loosing my individual voice was growing stronger day by day. And I got scared.
Somehow back there I couldn’t distinguish two different states like being alone and lonely. I was running from both and never wanted to experience any of that. I was ok in my “comfort zone” of a relationship that never were going anywhere near serious or was a satisfactory for instance. I was ok feeling “safe”. My fear were bigger than a desire to go out of my comfort zone cage and experience new and exciting things the world never fails to offer!
Until one night when my ex called and I’ve decided that it was time to let him go…
What’s next? Where do I start from here? What to expect? Uncertainty is (was) a scary thing to face…
I had a good chance to learn what does it mean to be alone or to be lonely. I figured that neither of that is a bad thing. Life has its own way of balancing things going on around us. When we have a lack of some important lesson to learn – life kindly offers us an opportunity to learn and grow from it. I was ready for my lesson.
I’ve learnt to be comfortable in a company of my own. I never bored with myself. I always have some things to do and evaluations to make out of stuff buzzing around and inside my soul. It’s important to be comfortable in spending time of your own. It gives you an insight, an opportunity to work on achieving new skills you see feet to your portrait of personality.
It’s a sure thing that if you want to move faster – you better go alone, but if you want to go further – its a good idea to go together with someone you trust. In a relationship or not – we are learning the valuable lessons that become our priceless life experience. In a relationship or not – learn. And it’s up to you to decide the speed of your life journey and how far you want to go… Single or not.
It was a perfect time for me to meet someone special now when the lessons I was lacking were learnt and I had new things to go after. But most importantly, I was READY for a new chapter. This time I wasn’t looking for a mind blowing love at first sight, or an epic passion with intrigues or any of that jazz. No. I simply wanted a person next to me. Not because I was sick of being alone (not lonely). I just wanted to find a person with whom I can develop and grow far beyond limits and settled abilities. So that person did find me with whom we are happy together all of these years! With whom we challenge each other for the sake of self development and fulfilling the destinies. I’m happy that I did choose a relationship when I was ready, not because I was lonely or wanted to follow the “fashion” of my dear friends. Don’t jump into relationships just because all of your friends around are getting married, having kids and so on. You don’t have to follow their pattern just because they did. Do what is right for you in the present moment. If you want to change – change. First will be first.
The true change will never have its place to be unless you’re in a state of awareness of why you need to change and what is a real purpose of that?
The trick is we all need to safe our individuality and will be in balance whether we are in a relationship or we are single. The true purpose of everyone of us is to go beyond our abilities by overcoming our limiting beliefs, helping other to achieve their goals you’re helping yourself in becoming a new and better person. Remember the importance of development and a constant improvement.
Fall in love when you are ready, not when you are lonely…
By Lesya Li
Photos by EastNews