Single, Alone, NOT Lonely

the single woman

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. – Sam Keen

Five years ago I found myself single. It was an uneasy breakup. I did it because I had to. Not every relationship is a “romantic book” perfect and when we feel stuck we have to break through and move on.

I wouldn’t call our relationship with my ex an epic and mind blowing love. We had a little in common. To be completely honest with you, we had absolutely NOTHING in common. But yet something drew us together spontaneously. No logic could have made sense out of that mess I called a relationship back then.

Everything has its natural finale and when that passion dried out as a tiny river in the summer season I got bored. The silence inside me grew louder. I’ve become numb and was stuck. Suddenly I realised that I didn’t even remember who I was before knowing him. The feeling of losing my individual voice was growing stronger day by day. And I got scared.

Somehow back then I couldn’t distinguish two different states like being alone and lonely… I was running from both and never wanted to experience any of that. I was ok in my “comfort zone” of a relationship that never were going anywhere near serious or was satisfactory. I was ok feeling “safe”. My fear was bigger than a desire to go out of my comfort zone cage and experience new and exciting things the world never fails to offer!

Until one night when my ex called and I’ve decided that it was time to let him go…

What’s next? Where do I start from here? What to expect? Uncertainty is (was) a scary thing to face…

I had a good chance to learn what does it mean to be alone or to be lonely. I figured that neither of that is a bad thing. Life has its own way of balancing things going on around us. When we have a lack of some important lesson to learn – life kindly offers us an opportunity to learn and grow from it. I was ready for my lesson.

lonely quote

I’ve learnt to be comfortable in a company of my own.

I’ve learnt to be comfortable in a company of my own. I never feel bored with myself. I always have some things to do and realisations to draw. It’s important to be comfortable in spending time on your own. It gives you an insight, an opportunity to work on achieving new skills you see fit to your portrait of personality.

It’s a sure thing that if you want to move faster – you better go alone, but if you want to go further – it’s a good idea to go together with someone you trust. In a relationship or not – we learn valuable lessons that turn into our priceless life experience. In a relationship or not – learn. And it’s up to you to decide the speed of your life journey and how far you want to go… Single or not.

It was a perfect time for me to meet someone special now when the lessons I was lacking were learnt and I had new things to go after. But most importantly, I was READY for a new chapter. This time, I wasn’t looking for a mind blowing love, at first sight, or an epic passion with intrigues or any of that jazz. No. I simply wanted a person next to me. Not because I was sick of being alone (not lonely). I just wanted to find a person with whom I can develop and grow far beyond the limits and settled abilities.

So that person did find me with whom we are happy together all of these years! With whom we challenge each other for the sake of self-development and fulfilling the destinies. I’m happy that I did choose a relationship when I was ready, not because I was lonely or wanted to follow the “lead” of my friends jumping into and out of a relationship.

Don’t rush into relationships just because all of your friends around are getting married, having kids and so on. You don’t have to follow their lead. Do what is right for you in the present moment. If you want to change – change. First will be first.

The true change will never have its place to be unless you’re in a state of awareness of why you need to change and what is a real purpose of that?

The trick is we all need to save our individuality and keep balance whether we are in a relationship or we are single. The true purpose of every one of us is to go beyond our abilities by overcoming our limiting beliefs, helping others to achieve their goals you’re helping yourself in becoming a new and better person. Remember the importance of development and a constant improvement.

Fall in love when you are ready, not when you are lonely…

Lesya Li

Lesya Li

Founder, Head of Content at HavingTime
Lesya Li is a founder of HavingTime – a digitally native story magazine for people that need to share inspiration and be inspired.
Lesya Li
Lesya Li
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