“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.” – Sri Chinmoy
Recently I’ve been thinking about times when we are judgmental of others. Why does it take so long to recognise that if we are judging others there is a little part of us that wants to be more or less like them?
Social Media is a hot bed for it! It makes me wince to think about what it must be like growing up with Facebook! I am so grateful for not having it in school or at University!
No doubt, kids would be more direct with their nit picking and insults than us adults, who are far too passive aggressive for that!
Almost never do we insult our friends directly in their face. Instead, we choose to pass judgement, snigger and eye roll to each other behind peoples ‘facebook’ walls – or – we share passive aggressive photo quotes and status updates.
If you didn’t grow up like I did then you don’t know, and if you don’t know it’s probably better you don’t judge. – Junot Diaz
I feel like I am in the early stages of a personal journey, stripping away the layers of should’s, conformity, doubts and lack of self belief in order to live a life aligned with my own inner peace and truth; and sharing my thoughts publically through writing and on social media has been a huge step for me on this journey.
Writing has always been the way I express myself and something I have done daily since I was a kid but it has always been in private, hidden away in journals, done for my own self-expression rather than to share. Blogging was something I never, ever considered before now because… people I know might read it!
How ridiculous is that? Fearing the judgment, criticism or rejection from those I choose to surround myself with. Those who are supposed to know me best might read what I actually think and feel; demonstrating, of course, how guilty I have been in the past of not being my true self to those around me, or to myself.
But as my journey progresses and since sharing my thoughts in blogs, as predicted, I have absolutely experienced the above.
At first, I took it personally, felt my initial default reaction to shrink and feel ashamed of writing ‘self-help’ nonsense and felt a return to a sense of unworthiness; who do I think I am anyway?
But slowly, I started to realise, that behind every criticism and judgment is their inner self-screaming their insecurities.
Anyone who publically or privately pokes fun at, judges or criticise something or someone, are in fact, paradoxically, revealing their insecurities to the world.
Think about it; Those who feel stuck or unfulfilled deep down, mock successful people; unfit people ‘humorously’ mock fitness activities ‘My time was 1 hour 48 minutes, deciding which biscuit to have’ – or – people who have issues with their weight might have a dig at healthy eating in some way.
Never would you find a truly happy, fulfilled person slating truly happy, fulfilled people or a healthy, fit person mocking healthy living.
Looking back, I can see how guilty of this I have been in the past but by realising this I can now use it as a tool to recognise how I am really feeling deep down; when I roll my eyes at, mock or criticise anything, I will stop and explore what part of me is the object of my negativity; and accept them exactly as they are, insecurities and all.
It’s hard to do, granted. Writing this is revealing to you that I have an issue, deep down about acceptance; that the criticizers, the judgements of others still affect me. Those who truly accept themselves and others as they are, would not complain about those who are at a different ‘stage’ in their own self-development to them. Those who are awake, would not criticise those still asleep, instead, they’d show compassion and acceptance.
I still have a lot of learning but what I have come to accept; is thoughts, judgments and perceptions – mine, yours, everyone else, really don’t matter because they in themselves aren’t real. When someone lashes out, criticises or judges something it always, always comes from a place of fear, lack or wanting; always from a place of ego.
Perhaps accepting that, it might be possible to free ourselves of allowing others negativity to challenge or reinforce parts of our own ego; Instead, we can choose to accept ourselves, and them, send them love, luck, and compassion and continue on our own journey.