It’s been a while since I spent some time with my relatives in Europe. A year ago during summer my main focus was to get my cousins encouraged to pursue their dreams beyond the village where they grew up and currently live in, to believe that everything is possible as long as they don’t limit themselves with self-doubts and other ” helpers” wishing them to stay put, say nothing meaningful and forget about their dreams. The thing is, I was born in the City of Saint Petersburg, beautiful and magnificent, cultural, upbeat and ambitious. However, when I was younger I spent most of my summer seasons in a tiny village in the middle of Carpathian mountains with my relatives. So the side of me, that was always ambitious and ready to fire up with yet another great plan of conquering the world of possibilities was stripped powerless in a battle with the laid back style of living over there. The contradictions like that began early in my life. But, most importantly, I had that numbing feeling, that everyone around me, made a personal goal of making me believe that learning a foreign language or travel around the world is impractical and meaningless (we are all going to die one day or another, so what’s the point?). And now, when I see the same process taking place with my cousins being discouraged from pursuing their big dreams it only makes me wonder: why are some people so eager to bring someone else’s hopes and dreams down? Why is it so vital for some of them to try to turn your sky into a ceiling?
Why Do People Discourage?
We are in great danger when we encounter people who make us question ourselves and our abilities to do anything. It might even hurt when someone else is not only doubting your abilities but makes you doubt yourself even more. The best way to put some daylight on this is to get an idea why do people tend to discourage others in the first place. What is exactly standing behind that?
1.They Are Simply Incapable To Do What You Can Do
When a person knows for sure that he can succeed if he is enthusiastic and hard-working, there will always be those, who will try to impose their own negative thoughts, disbeliefs and limitations on him. Why you might ask? Only because these people know that they can’t do what he can or they have tried doing it and failed. And they simply do not believe that it’s possible. Moreover, how can you tell where your own limitations end and someone else’s begin? When I was little I used to be one of the first girls to learn how to ride a bicycle with only 2 wheels, whereas other kids used to ride 3 wheeled ones. There was that girl Helena, who always tried to discourage me from riding any bike: “Aren’t you afraid to lose your balance and to kill yourself by falling into the river with that bike?” I was afraid, of course because I was a kid. I’m still afraid of many things, but I simply remind myself often that between life and fear I’d rather choose to live to the fullest and to take some risks and chances! So, go out there, enjoy life and STOP accepting somebody else’s disbeliefs and limitations.
2. Your Ambition Is Way Too Threatening
When you dream big, like anyone of us should, some people just see the magnitude and enormousness of your dreams and ambitions as way too threatening and, you know, BIG! Your dreams might be so ambitious that people who hear about them start thinking how you would realise your big plans and because they don’t know any way of doing that, they don’t believe it is possible… That is why, by feeling powerless, these people are so eager to bring you down to the floor where they tend to be a permanent resident instead of dreaming about nice penthouse views and seeing the world.
3. Jealousy vs. Admiration
In most cases, we understand that jealousy is meaningless and sometimes it takes the best out of people by keeping them hostage. Admiration takes its place when people strive to achieve what you have or what you do by learning from your experiences. They have that feeling in their gut that they can do what you have done and that feeling is different to jealousy because they know they are able to do that. While jealousy is meaningless and leads to a regressive state of mind, admiration brings motivation to those people who know that they can succeed as well. Let’s look at this closer. For example, you lost an enormous amount of weight and you are now in a great shape. Next, you bump into your old friend whom you haven’t seen for a long time, who happens to be way out of balance in terms of his/her body shape. Naturally your friend might feel jealous if he has tried and failed to lose weight, however, he might believe that he can repeat your success and instead ask you about your secret and what you do to keep yourself in good shape. This way, admiration may spark motivation in order to change for the better, where jealousy is inactive emotion bringing nothing but negativity and misery to the person who is experiencing it. Motivate people around you to be better, to get better!
4. The Only Risk in Life is to Take No Risk at All
In other words, some people might see that the circumstances in your life are far better lined up for you and your great plans than they would have ever dreamed of themselves. Of course, you know that you only have all of that because you have taken a risk, a big chance and went for your dreams. This is the time to be truly grateful for everything you have, for every skill you’ve learnt. All of that will bring you closer towards achieving your goals. Some people are genuinely intimidated by those who are willing to take some risks for the sake of changing their life for the better. It is difficult to get out of your comfort zone, to take risks and leave the feeling of security behind. Many people would never choose risky adventure over security that they have built in their lives. Therefore, it takes a lot of courage and bravery to pursue what you’ve started. You’ve got to have your own personal view about your life journey, your “personal legend” and if your secure life is not what you want, take a risk and go for the better life. Whatever life throws at you on your way – keep pushing, keep moving and you will reach your destination.
5. You See The Full Picture. They Don’t
Overall you are the only one who sees the full picture and you know that every step you take is bringing you closer to your goal. People around you might not be aware of the whole picture. They see only a brief glimpse of your dream map. Don’t let anybody turn your sky into the ceiling. People tend to project their own doubts and limitations on others so every negative feeling that you hear about your journey – ignore it. Negative thoughts and moods are more contagious than positive ones. Stay focused and motivated. Encircle yourself with those who encourage you and want you to succeed in every possible way. Those are people who have already succeeded in one way or another and they will bring far more value into your life, be it words of encouragement or some sound advice without any negative criticism. Moreover, you are destined for greatness and you are here for a reason. Make your dent in this universe and keep planning on doing more great and fun things. Things that would drop jaws of those who ever doubted you. Keep dreaming and strive for the best!