Our interactions with one another reflect a dance between love and fear. – Ram Dass
Relationship advice is everywhere! It seems like every time I turn around, I hear or read someone’s two cents on a relationship that isn’t theirs. The more I think about it, the more I believe that exposing yourself to this information is a bad idea, unless you’re getting it straight from a certified professional.
It’s okay to occasionally vent to loved ones or read articles that give simple relationship tips now and then. In fact, doing so can be quite helpful and therapeutic if done in moderation. But making relationship gossip and advice seeking a habit or giving away too many details to too many people can ultimately be detrimental to an otherwise perfectly good relationship.
5 Reasons to Avoid Seeking Relationship Advice From Non-Experts
1. Gossip Can Quickly Drive a Wedge Between People
Asking for advice usually requires you to state the problem first. Acknowledging problems between you and your partner is gossiping, and gossip can tear two people apart faster than a paper shredder. It is important to talk to each other, not to each other. Lack of communication wreaks havoc on relationships, and if your partner finds out that you’ve been talking about him or her behind his or her back (which they probably will at some point), they will likely resent it.
2. Seeking Too Much Advice is a Sign of Fear and Insecurity
Take it from somebody who never trusted herself enough to follow her advice and pay attention to her inner compass: Constantly clinging to others and depending on them to tell you what to do in every important aspect of your life is a huge indicator of fear, insecurity, and a lack of self-trust. While we all need guidance and a little healthy advice now and then, there is a fine line between seeking it when it’s truly needed and seeking it because you don’t trust yourself enough to make your decisions.
3. Seeking Advice Robs You of Your Ability to Problem-Solve and Think for Yourself
Similar to the reason stated above, you will have a difficult time solving your problems and thinking for yourself if you’re constantly listening to what everybody else tells you to do. Trust your instincts and base your decisions on the quiet voice of wisdom and knowledge that resides within us all. Nobody knows your relationship or your partner like you do, so it’s important to listen to your gut. If you are not sure how to trust your instincts or listen to your gut, ceasing to ask for advice from others is a big step towards learning how.
4. Your Relationship is Frankly Nobody’s Business!
I’ve always thought the phrase, “It’s none of your business” sounded a bit mean and hostile. But your relationship is a private matter. Therefore, it is nobody’s business. Not everything needs to be shared with the masses. You may be surprised by how much more special, exclusive and extraordinary your relationship feels when it’s shared with one person—your partner.
5. Love Does Not Have “one size fits all” Answers
Every person and every relationship are different. What works for one person or one couple may or may not work for you. Relationship advice must be taken with a grain of salt. There is always more than one way to solve a conflict, and who’s to say that one way is better than another? Focus on what is best for you and your partner. If a piece of love advice feels or sounds wrong to you, it probably is.
first published Jun 3, 2014
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