To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. – Unknown
I used to get frustrated because it seemed like I never got what I wanted. I would get jealous and compare myself to people who appeared to have more than me. My confidence and self-esteem took a hit and it began to effect others areas of my life, including my business.
Looking back, I realize the reason I didn’t get what I want is because I had no idea what I wanted. I was too busy focusing on other people’s lives and what they had going on. In order to step up my game in life and business, I had to focus on me and get my confidence back. It was a process, but I’ve mastered the art of getting your groove back. Here are ten easy steps to get confidence, clarity (+ crush self-doubt).
7 Steps Toward Rebuilding Your Confidence
1. Getting Clarity
The first step is getting really clear about the area you need more confidence in. I understand you may have many things you want a little more confidence around. Maybe it’s your career or business, maybe a relationship, perhaps it’s just loving yourself more. Whatever you desire to change the most, choose that and have a clear vision. Write it down, keep it in your notes on your phone, or as the background on your computer.
2. Brag a Little
You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are limitless! You were put on this Earth to do something great. And if you would only remember that, you would never settle for another toxic situation, bad relationship or small idea. It’s time to own it all. Write down ten things that are amazing about you. (You’re not allowed to stop until you get to ten.) If you get stuck, think of compliments you’ve received or your accomplishments. Pick the top three things and write them on a separate piece of paper, on your mirror or on your hand. Wherever you can see them constantly. Remind yourself over and over that you are amazing and you are worth it!
3. What’s your why?
So now that we’ve gotten clear on what it is you’re looking for more confidence around, and we’ve embraced your many amazing qualities, it’s time to uncover the why. Discovering why you are reaching for something or wanting something can unmask a lot. Many times, it’s not even for the reasons we think. Often, we’re looking for a feeling or a specific result.
Why do you crave increased self-esteem in that particular area? What would it mean to you to have more confidence when it comes to that part of your life? What would it do for you? How would you feel? What could you overcome or conquer if you knew for an absolute fact you would not fail? That you wouldn’t be judged? That you could stand tall and firm in who you are? Uncover the real reason you want it.
4. What’s stopping you?
Now you know what you want, how amazing you are, and you are clear on how you want to feel and how these changes will impact your life. It’s time to uncover the roadblocks or, as I refer to them: the excuses. What’s stopping you? What’s stopping you right now from having, experiencing and feeling deep down the confidence and power you desire? My guess? It’s you, and only you.
Write down a list of excuses you’ve been using to continue playing small. Why haven’t you reached your goals or gone for your desires? Parents, circumstances, guilt, fear, money, lack of knowledge. Own all of them, embrace them and acknowledge them. Now go back over the list and decide if these things are true or not.
Fear? Fear of what? And why? What’s the worst that can happen?
Money? Not enough? What’s waiting for the money going to do? Haven’t you ever wanted something bad enough and found a way?
5. Just do it!
The ONLY the thing that’s stopping you? FEAR. Have you ever faced it head on? Or has it kept you at bay, hiding, comfortable and content? Fear never really goes away, but it favors the brave. It shows who is a boss and who is making excuses. It’s not that successful or happy people have no fear. It’s that they recognize it and do what they have to do anyway. Fear is wrapped up in all kinds of excuses and blame.
Recognize the fear and tell it to hit the road. Think of something you’ve wanted to do, try or say. And – you guessed it – DO IT. Big or small, whatever you feel is appropriate for where you are now.
6. Love Yourself
There are plenty of people out there who will criticize you and not love you for who you are. You should not be one of them. Show yourself how much you value you by doing something nice for yourself. This can be something big or small. It can involve money or it can be free. Next, I want you to do something for YOU. One of my favorite things to do is to buy myself flowers. It makes me feel loved, peaceful and beautiful and it doesn’t cost much. Other ideas might include buying yourself something you’ve been eyeing, scheduling in self-care, getting a new haircut or makeup, setting time aside for a hobby or something you love to do, or a digital detox. (No social media for a few days will make you feel fantastic.) Remember, this isn’t about anyone else. It’s all about you.
7. Own it!
It’s time to stop playing small and get out there and do something about your desires. Feeling crappy about yourself? Remember how awesome you are. Someone or something in your life not making the cut? Get rid of them. This is your life and it’s one hundred percent yours for the taking. You always have a choice. Always.
Now it’s time to declare it to the world. Create a personal manifesto and commit yourself to it. Not sure where to start? There are plenty of places online to help you create a manifesto or you can try one of my favorite methods: 5,4,3,2,1: CHANGE
5 things you love
4 positive things about yourself
3 things you’re thankful for
2 things you feel you deserve
1 dream you won’t give up
End it with, “I am the amazing and I WILL be successful because that’s the only option I give myself.”
Record yourself reciting this: play it every morning before you start your day
Confidence comes from within. Self-doubt comes from without. In order to make serious changes in your life, you have to be willing to let go of what you think you know about yourself and go deeper. You have to let go of your expectations and demands, and know you are enough!