The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with. – Tony Robbins
I’ve been on a bit of a journey this year. It changed my life and opened my eyes, I’d like to share it with you.
I spent many years trying to fit in, doing what I thought I should, conforming to society’s norms, though, it didn’t make me happy. When I hit 30 I decided there must be more to life than this and went in search of happiness. I left my top corporate job, my relationship of 7 years, my home, possessions and my country.
I took a year out to explore these thoughts and feelings and spend time doing what I loved in the hope that I’d find some answers and ultimately my happiness. I travelled across the world, learned to surf, lived in Ashrams, taught English to Buddhist monks, meditated daily and qualified to be a yoga teacher and life coach and I wrote a book about my experiences. As I draw to the close of the year, I am grateful for having this time to explore and even more grateful for what it has taught me but now it’s time to return to real life, my new life, but I’ve no idea what this looks like yet…
What The Future Holds For Me?
I’ve spent the last few weeks worrying about what’s next and trying to put some plans in place. In less than 2 weeks not only will it be exactly a year since I left my job, but will also be the time I run out of money. I have no job, no house, no plan B, but the universe said I didn’t need these things. I am scared.
I’d never been spiritual before now and never really got religion so there was never a god or divine that helped me navigate my life but when people talk to me about the energies of the universe and the interconnection of everything it all makes sense intellectually but I never experienced it, I never saw it in action, until now.
People have told me there’s a higher power at work and that we just have to trust this and go with the flow. This is easier said than done when your bank account is drying up and the job applications come back with ‘thanks, but no thanks’. However I tried very hard to make this stick, to meditate on it, to bring it to my life but if I’m honest, deep down I was scared, I was worried, what if this doesn’t work, what if nothing comes, what if I’m homeless, what if I fail, what if I end up a lonely old lady with only cats for company. I felt like I needed to have a plan, to take control of my future and know what I was doing, not only that but I ought to have a plan B and C just to be sure, I wasn’t comfortable knowing.
Unbeknown to me these deep-seated fears were having an impact on what was actually manifesting in my life, the universe knows! It’s a bit like when your mum and dad told you as a kid that Santa Claus would know if you were sleeping or not on Christmas Eve when he delivered the presents. I was reading all I could on this and trying to understand the words, but this is worth nothing unless you get it in your heart and truly feel it and was being undone by my deep-seated fears.
How to Let Go of Fear of the Future
Just recently I hit a massive turning point, the penny dropped. As I was sat meditating in a peaceful Buddhist garden at a retreat centre I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders and my heart and the words came to me; “You don’t need to know because we can never know.”
From that point on it made perfect sense but not just that I got it in my heart, I felt it and knew it to be true and my worries dissolved, I experienced a deep letting go.
I thought about the natural disasters, sickness and death in the world and realised that we can never know what’s going to happen tomorrow, so why to worry about the future, this robs us of our present moment and ultimately stops us living our lives. This I had known intellectually (I’d read enough books on it) but for the first time it really made sense and I could feel what it meant.
It was no coincidence that as I returned from this trip things started falling into place. I was booked to talk at a local event about happiness, I was approached by a new studio who needed a resident life coach and my writing started to attract more and more interest. It was as if I’d given the universe permission to grant my intentions once I’d finally cleared the blockages of fear and let go of what had been holding me back.
I Was Trying to Control Something That I Really Had Little Control Over
I’d been chasing after jobs for money and this was the driving energy behind my intentions, a lack of money – the universe knew this. I’d also been trying to secure jobs going back into the corporate life I left behind when deep down this was not what I wanted, the universe knew this too hence all the ‘no thanks’ responses.
My fears of lack of money, security, the unknown was holding me back, blocking the energies to move forward and secure what I truly wanted. I was trying to control something that really I had little control over. Yes, we have to do our part, we have to take the steps in the right direction and ensure we’re on the right path to start with, but the universe takes care of the rest if we let it! I realise now that if I don’t have these things weighing my heart down I am open to all the opportunities and amazing adventures the universe has planned.
I’m a big believer that we don’t always get what we want, but we do always get what we need and the universe knows best. My fear has been replaced by excitement at what may come as my future unfolds. It’s an amazing journey when you travel with the universe in your heart!