We’ve all been hurt by another person at some time or another — we were treated badly, trust was broken, hearts were hurt.
Sometimes our mind overflows with memories. Some memories tend to bring nothing but pain. Then we wonder if it’s even possible to FORGET what we want to forget. We try not to think about it only ending up thinking about that PAST situation even more ferociously. And this continues until patience explodes.
Is there any solution? How do we BREAK FREE from our past? How do we break free from past conditions and stop them from defining us?
Granted, there’s nothing we can do to change what happened in the past, but I’m well sure it’s up to us to improve our present and future.
What Keeps Us Paused in the Past?
We shall start with an evaluation of our decisions and what outcomes came out of them. Everything we see in our life is an accurate reflection of the choices we made in the past. Therefore, if we are not happy about something in our reality of the present moment, we need to make new (read: better) choices. So let’s learn from the past and see it as a priceless life lesson. Each lesson makes us wiser and stronger. Every challenge we came face to face with – contributed into our personality we have now.
It’s not the past that hurts us – it’s what we took out of it; it’s the meaning we gave it.
Everything that is happening around us is neutral. It’s up to us what labels we put on things. If it’s raining outside, it’s not bad or good. It’s just the way it is. If you live in a place where draughts occur often, the mere existence of rain and the possibility of it happening is next to a marvel from your point of view. You appreciate it, you see it as the thing with a POSITIVE label written with caps lock on.
On the other hand, if you live somewhere where the sunshine appears only on a special occasion and rain seems to rule the country – it’s no wonder that you might see it as a negative thing that seems to be happening with no stop button.
The same formula applies when we think about our past: it’s not good or bad. It’s just the way it turned out with all the consequences as the reflection of our actions we are responsible for.
Rewind the Past and Change the Patterns
Some people focus on creating new memories and positive experiences moving on without looking back. They prefer to archive the past under the label “top secret”. And they never come back to it. But subconscious mind is a great “bookkeeper” and it never fails to bring up the past, even the most “forgotten” images we thought got lost years ago. Nothing is ever forgotten or replaced. All rests there in the archive of memory.
The past can cause us bad feelings and it can be an emotionally draining experience. It can stop us from moving on with our life. It can also try to prevent us from having new relationships, new approaches, new ideas, new experiences… By keeping our focus in the past, it never contributes to a brighter future, as cheesy as it may sound. When we focus on the negative stuff in the past, it can cause us extra stress.
Where shall we begin? It’s simple, but not easy. We need to forgive the situation and the people involved in the past that brought us that sense of discomfort into our life.
Personally I made an agreement with myself not so long ago. Whenever my mind feels the need to rewind the movies from the past (especially before drifting into sleep) about my past mistakes, heartaches, failures and anything that caused me grief, the SOLUTION here is simple. I SNAP OUT of it immediately before I drift into my memories and disappear on the horizon. And I say to my mind: “THANK YOU for suggesting to “watch” that movie again and I’m glad that you are trying to remind me of some lesson, or, probably, you are bored… but I don’t feel like making popcorn and revisiting my past… There is nothing I haven’t seen there.” And then I focus on the present moment.
There is No Future in The Past
If negative stuff from the past keeps persisting, I drift my focus on something in the future. Something that I want to achieve, somewhere where I want to go. Whatever makes you feel good, whatever brings you that VITAL energy – pour your attention there.
Think about something you give your attention to now. A new project? Great! Think what that might be.
There is no need to spend your time there, in the past. Whenever you feel compelled to go there, flip that card turning its face into the present. It’s all about grabbing your attention from the past and sticking it to the present. It’s all about the moment of NOW. Whatever you do, make sure that your present feels good.
You are never a prisoner of your thoughts. You have the ability to change it right NOW.
I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy. –Tony Robbins