In the era of #iwokeuplikethis Instagram scams, where no makeup usually means heavily applied foundation or a very strong filter, disappointment in the reality of things comes as a given – especially when you are dating online.
The World is different these days. I am in an abundance of information and I have instant access to it at the drop of the hat. I am constantly bombarded with messages, day and night that drown out my inner voice. I’m in a state of emotional hypersensitivity and I am terrified about it. At best I am coping. Safeguarding, by locking out all depth of emotion so as not to show my true self, because I am different, I am the problem. Or so I believe.
As I stand up, acknowledge, and validate these emotions, something weird happens. They disappear. As though, they were never real in the first place, just an illusion created in my mind. A cloud dispersing into the mist. A reflection from a mirror which turns out to be a clear window instead...
Depression is a filthy thing; we instinctively recoil from it. Yet it keeps coming until we can’t ignore it anymore, constantly stinging us, never satisfied. Its filthiest effect might be its ability to silence our expression of pain.
As a law student and lawyer, I tried to think my way to a better life. I tried to think my way out of my depression. I failed completely. By the time I realized I had to stop thinking, I was mired in student debt, working at a job I hated, and taking pills every day just to get by. I still take antidepressants, but the other things have changed. How? I had to let go of my ruminating, overthinking rational self, and let intuition guide me to the answer. When you listen, the small voice of intuition speaks wise words.
How busy is your life? Do you work long hours barely getting enough sleep? Do you tend to stress a lot? Do you often forget to take care of yourself? If you answered yes to any of those questions then you should look closer into practicing self-care, to help improve your mental health and overall quality of life.
Sometimes, successful people lead us to believe that they keep going, 24/7/365 based on sheer willpower and passion. You hear buzzwords everywhere and you think that if you just find that one thing that drives you, you’ll be all set. Naturally, if you believe this and find yourself struggling to find that one thing, you might feel defeated. Remove the notion that you’re missing a secret ingredient. You aren’t missing anything. Rather, you’re misunderstanding, which brings me to my next point.
All the literature on grief seemed to be telling me my life would be in tatters for years. I was determined not to accept this. Running away from grief was not an option, but I could cycle through it. My late partner had wanted to cycle the British coast to coast in one day; I would take on the challenge in his memory.
Confidence comes from experience and experience comes from trying new things and occasionally failing... then trying again without stopping. In everything: studying, work, love, relationships, fulfillment. The more we stubbornly choose to expose ourselves and say yes to experiences, the more we are getting out there no matter how bumpy the road of exploring gets. We learn we grow; we move on to new lessons... like opening an advent calendar – one day at a time.