Finding Your Purpose and Passion in the Midst of Chaos
For years I’ve been struggling to find my way in this often confusing and messy word. Bad relationships, poor life choices, people I was yearning to find a connection with and craved their affection – would only turn into a big disappointment; an unnecessary drama that created pain and yet brought some meaningful lessons in disguise… perpetually being busy running after someone else’ love and appreciation, I didn’t know the first thing of how to give that love to myself. It often felt like I didn’t deserve my love and respect. So I would stick to a new race for approval and find more mess heading my way like a tornado sweeping across Kansas’ corn fields.
Huge and even massive problems came up against and stared right into my face making me feel tiny, small, insignificant and helpless – the feeling you get when you take a stroll downtown New York losing you eyesight amongst big, shiny and magnificent skyscrapers. I got lost. Funny, someone once said: “I’m not lost, I’m just exploring.”
I was too carried away with this self-exploring expedition, namely with figuring out what was wrong with me, rather than concentrating on finding my WHY. The mind-boggling obsession that was. I completely forgot how to be loving and caring towards others. I never knew how to give without wanting something in return. The problems and aches of others around me almost never seemed to cross my mind; they presented themselves as sheerly irrelevant comparing to what I was experiencing. Who once was loving and empathetic her heart turned into stone cold marble and I couldn’t even recognize her face staring at me in the mirror.
I Had to Drop Out From My Head and Jump into My Heart. Because Our Heart is the Best Key to Access Our True Purpose and Passion
I’ve become an Island. A deserted island no one was allowed to visit or discover. (No one can see what’s in your heart, others can only see what you do). I was ashamed of myself, of all the poor decisions that lead me towards more mess that I wouldn’t even dare to call life.
People themselves aren’t toxic. However, I would have made a career out of finding myself in peculiar, uncomfortable and utterly toxic situations! I was struggling to find meaning.
The more I was pressing myself to find why I came here, the more stress and anxiety it created. I was so hell-bound to appease my parents, get secured and respectful job and ultimately live up to expectations to all the people whose opinion mattered to me.
But suddenly one empowering thought stroked me as a surprise: Dear darling, whatever you think you should do with your life… You never came here to live up to someone else’s expectations. Find your Passion, let the world now why you are here and make your contribution, place your unique imprint”.
And then was this time when I went to visit my beloved National Gallery in London to see some paintings by John Constable. I sat down right in front of the painting and stared. I’ve stared for hours and finally it “spoke”: “All my thoughts and aspirations, my love for life, my dreams… everything that made me John Constable was gone with my last breath that turned into air. But my soul still shines through the paintings, they are like portals that take you from space and time when you understand that nothing is really gone… if you choose to leave your print and create a ripple effect”
There was the answer staring right in my face: I came here to create a ripple effect by writing… and probably inspire others to do their best, to discover their driving forces and become as fulfilled as possible on this such short journey we call life! Let’s make the most of it. Starting today. No. Starting – NOW.
I came here to write and share myself as authentically as I can. That helps me to move out of my shell and establish connections with people, and ultimately, with the world.
I love writing and this is my passion, this is my driving force and my contribution. What is yours? And what do you do today to deepen your understanding of why you came here?