We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all. – Eleanor Roosevelt
Sometimes we all wish for a one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to relationships, especially when difficulties arise. We are different, we come from all over the Earth, from all backgrounds imaginable… and we all build our relationships differently. Nothing is identical. But it was my observation lately that there is one thing that probably can help us all.
When the situation in your relationship gets hotter than the afternoon in a desert, you’ve gotten too close to each other. When there is no more air between you two, it will be a grasp of fresh air if you take a step back and keep your distance until things cool off.
On the other hand, when the relationship feels like it’s about to hit the North Pole and it seems like not a spark of warmth is left, this means the distance between you is too wide. It means that you’ve taken way too many steps away from each other…
By regulating your distance in a relationship, you keep it running at a good pace. When it’s too overwhelming and “hot” you take a step back, when it’s lonely, cold and deserted, you take a step forward. It’s as simple as that.
The key is to guard that relationship like you would guard a campfire. Imagine a campfire. What does it feel like to sit next to it? Have you ever had a campfire during winter? How far from the fire would you sit to not get too hot and how close would you move to not get too cold? It’s up to us. WE REGULATE THE DISTANCE. We decide how far or how close we should sit next to the campfire in order to be comfortable. We find that comfortable point by taking a step back and then taking a step forward.
The same goes for our relationships with people.
Some people think that relationship is something that can be easily put on “standby” while they are focusing on something else. However, the relationship is much like a campfire. If you put it on “pause” the fire and the warmth and all the good things about it will eventually die out. Only love and affection and our ability to share and pour our time into that “relationship fire” can assure its survival.
Taking a step backward and forward gives you a whole range of perspectives. From the distance, we see the bigger picture. By taking a step back, we refrain from throwing ourselves into yet another pointless argument. It gives us the time to think, to reflect and to cool off. It gives us time to clear our mind, recharge the batteries until we are ready to take a step forward and give our love to our loved ones.
Whether you are in a relationship or not, think about the campfire and what it really represents. Think about how to apply this metaphor in your daily life.
Whatever it is that you need to do, it’s always up to you, whether to take a step back or a step forward.