“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” – Marilyn Monroe
You want to feel needed, wanted and loved. You crave that special someone’s touch, kiss, and affection hoping that they will love you back as much as you do. And that’s perfectly natural.
But what happens when you are in the wrong relationship when everything you do is to please your partner?
As a loyal, kind and selfless person who continually finds ways to make the relationship work, you give yourself entirely – your warm heart and beautiful soul – staying quiet just to please them.
You lose yourself. Your identity, dreams, and everything that you are…
And while you may think that you are happy, deep down you know that the longer you stay with the toxic partner, the smaller and less confident you become.
The more they lie, manipulate and criticize you, the more power they have over you. But the moment you put your foot down and start to challenge them they become even worse and start doing everything they know just to put you back into that small space where you belong – feeling helpless and unworthy.
You made me do that; it’s all your fault! You should be ashamed of yourself!
I heard these words hundreds of times from a narcissistic partner, telling me that he is doing this out of love, for my own good, to teach me a lesson.
Even the slightest misunderstanding would cause a dramatic scene. Lack of empathy and a strong need for admiration only added to his increasing level of aggression and uncontrolled behavior. And when my intuition told me that something was wrong and that I shouldn’t trust him, the lies, manipulation and constant anger became a regular part of my life.
I felt pitiful, helpless and isolated. I doubted everything I had ever done in life, putting the blame on myself and accepting every accusation just to keep things calm. But the worst was that no matter how much I tried to fix things and keep the relationship alive, I was lonelier than ever.
Until I realized that my life was in my own hands and that walking away would prove that I was capable of being on my own, content and satisfied, perfectly happy with being who I am.
So where do you find the courage to leave?
Remember that toxic people are never changed by your kindness. Never. They simply don’t care. Staying invisible and quiet and giving yourself more won’t help, it will only make you feel resentful, frustrated and angry with yourself. If it hurts you, makes you cry and question yourself and your worth, know that it’s harmful and that you should leave.
Walking away and letting go means creating room for a better, happier and calmer you. No matter how hard it may seem initially, nothing beats the feeling of freedom later on when you realize what you went through.
How to Leave a Toxic Relationship and Move On With Your Life
Here are a few powerful ways that helped me break out of a toxic relationship. And while these steps led to many sleepless nights and heartbroken cries, in the end, they set me free.
I encourage you wholeheartedly to take a good look at your life and start making a change. You will see life from a completely new perspective and just know that you are in charge of your freedom and that will make you unstoppable.
1. Keep a diary
See your life the way it is. Write what you see and feel. Express your emotions – vent, curse, cry – whatever you need to do, just make sure you write it down. Include all the little details of how the toxic partner makes you feel. What kind of feelings do they bring out in you? Review your entries often and let them be a powerful reminder of what you don’t want to feel like.
2. Find what makes you happy
Finding the core of true happiness is difficult after losing your sparkle and being drained by the toxic environment. But there is a way to bring it back. Try going back to childhood and thinking of all the things you enjoyed doing as a little kid. Hug a friend or a loved one, go outside for a long walk or run, draw, make art with your hands, take photos, meditate – there are so many activities you can do. Make a routine for yourself and know that each day you are going to do one thing that will make you happy. Don’t let anyone interfere with your plan.
3. Know that you are worthy
Remember that no is a full sentence. You don’t have to explain or justify yourself for leaving and wanting to live a life you deserve. This may be the hardest part of leaving the toxic partner, but you need to know your worth. Tell yourself how incredible you are and believe in yourself so strongly that you’ll want to stay away from the people who don’t appreciate you.
4. Spend time alone
Find the time to read, relax and pamper yourself. Stay away from too much activity – stay active and exercise regularly but limit seeing other people too often. While friends and family may want to help, offering advice and criticizing you can be counterproductive. You need time to reenergize and gather your thoughts since it takes a lot of energy and courage to break out of a toxic relationship. Learn to be alone and cherish your time for yourself. Schedule your free time and spend it the way you want in your own company and silence.
5. Choose positivity and happiness
Surround yourself with people who inspire you and bring out the best in you. If you can’t find them in your surroundings, join online communities, read blogs, and listen to podcasts. Ignore people who threaten your joy and try to drag you down. Simply stay away. Invest in your personal growth – join a support group, hire a life coach or take a self-confidence course.
No one, and I repeat, no one is allowed to hold you a prisoner of any kind – your health, safety and emotional stability should never be compromised. You are a beautiful, unique and caring person who deserves the love and affection of the person who loves you for who you are and not for who they think you should be.
You are you. You are unique and extraordinary, and you deserve to be happy.
Trust your intuition. You don’t have to justify your feelings to anyone, just trust your own inner guidance, it never lies.
Now imagine giving yourself so openly to someone who cares for you and loves you just the way you are. Who puts as much energy as you into your relationship and appreciates all the little things that you do to make life beautiful.
Love is nurturing, kind an accepting. It makes you feel alive. It helps you grow.
You deserve to be loved. You’re worth fighting for.