Why People Say One Thing And Do Another?
We are familiar with an idea that good friends are best known when turds hit the storm?
-You are my friend, therefore, will help you whenever you need. We will figure this out together. – When a person states that, it is most likely that this person has the script in his/her mind of intention of helping you. But whether he/she goes through with that script is another story.
Unsurprisingly, sometimes people don’t stick to what they say. There were times when we needed a friend and he/she wasn’t there as promised.”Why would he leave me like that?” The simple truth is, his subconscious script didn’t trigger the response of going through with an admirable intention to help. That’s all.
As long as we are aware, at least on some level, about this subconscious script/program of a person, we might predict his/her behaviour.
Truth To Be told
What do we call the “truth” anyway? Everything that people say more or less is a “lie”. This is one way to put it. Sounds dreadful, doesn’t it? The truth seems to be poised between perceptions. Everything that people say is either better or worse than they actually think on any given subject. In order to get behind the scenes of this fine masquerade of words, we should take a closer look at people’ subconscious life programme otherwise known as a subconscious script.
The truth seems to be poised between perceptions. Everything that people say is either better or worse than they actually think on any given subject.
What Is Subconscious Script?
Everybody has a script lovingly crafted since the day we are born. Imagine yourself being an actor holding in your hands the very print of things to say and things to do.
Consider the subconscious mind as a massive hard drive relentlessly running and picking up every bit of information thrown by the ups and downs of your life. Day by day. Each programme is exceptionally unique.
What all of the subconscious programs have in common is that they all might be perceived in 3 ways as good, bad and neutral. All of these programs often impose limitations on our freedom.
Naturally, when we see the pattern of “repetitive compulsions” in our behaviour we can stop for a moment and become aware of that. By being aware of your subconscious scripts, you can be ready to go beyond your patterns and programs and make your conscious decision accordingly…
But are we noticing any of those scripts in our daily life routines?
Our reality is created by our beliefs, self-talk, and self-imposed cage. What are the illusions that are “safely” holding us back? You would be surprised how many of those limiting beliefs are untrue, misleading and basically, garbage that we should clean our minds from!
Subconscious Script in Action
An old good friend of mine, Charlotte, had this idea, that all men are jerks and cowards. Her life was messy though her house, on the contrary, was spotless and shiny. One never added up to another. Naturally it sent me wondering, what led her to believe that “all men are jerks and cowards” and why the heck she pays this incredible amount of her time and attention to the tidiness of her house. And she told me her story not so long ago. And then I asked for permission to share it with all of you here.
So there it goes.
When Charlotte was 12 her dad left her mum and her little brother for another woman. He said that he felt as if he was living in a “man cage” and that his life was repetitively dull and, you know, worthless. So he found the new meaning in cheating, abusing alcohol and gambling. He would come back home in the morning swearing, making a mess all over the place and waking up children all of the time with awful noise.
Charlotte was constantly angry with him. She didn’t want her mum to be upset in the morning to see the mess he left behind. That’s why she was the one to pick up all the shattered bottles of whiskey, ashtrays, and food leftovers and throw it all in the garbage leaving behind nothing but true and utter tidiness. Now watch the pattern:
1. Charlotte was angry with her dad, which was the first image of a man in her life.
2. 12-year-old Charlotte had a belief that men are filthy pigs, considering them cowards (for stepping out of the family without supporting them).
3. Even though she is a sophisticated woman with a light feminist touch she cannot be “Miss Perfect”, hence the mess in her life. Particularly at work, relationships with friends (supporting network) and men.
4. When awareness of the mess comes along, then hand in hand comes to the need for control. What exactly? ANYTHING! Hence the compulsive cleaning sessions at 4 a.m.
What Charlotte really wanted?
1. She wanted her father to be a man and take responsibility for his family. She wanted for him to be a role model creating a positive image in her mind frame. I often hear that every man can become a dad, not every man becomes a Father with a capital “F” raising children and keeping their family together.
2. She wanted to be a kid when she was 12. She didn’t want all that responsibility for the household and her little brother on her shoulders shared with her mother while she working at 3 jobs to make ends meet.
3. and 4. She wanted to be in control. She wanted to be in charge of her own life aligning things how she saw fit.
Every date with a guy, she considered a waste of time (that’s what she said), but deep down inside, all she wanted was to find her soulmate to share her journey with. So instead of calling him back and arranging a second date, she was vanishing in her daily routine by day and compulsively cleaning her house at night in hopes of gaining at least “some control” over conflicting emotions. On the one hand, she always had that anger with men, on the other, she had that relentless desire to calm down and settle at once. You see the conflict of interests here, right?
Changing Subconscious Scripts
We do many things automatically without any thought. Notice how your hand automatically reaches for the light switch to the right or left when you get home and it’s dark. If you move home or change the position of the switch, the first time you get home – you will first reach for the old switch only to realise that it’s not there anymore. At this moment you become aware of your script and that it needs to change to achieve the desired result of switching the lights on. So next time you will only reach half way and then change the direction towards the new light switch. Your subconscious script has changed because you are now aware. It’s the same thing with our behavioural scripts, except that we do not usually become aware of them unless we consciously think about them and try to change them. I’m not saying, that we all need to take a microscope and examine every little piece of our behaviour. No. This would be too much. But let’s pay closer attention to the things that really hold us back from becoming more than we are by opening up our full potential within.
Mindful, Aware With New Scripts in Hand
Just take a moment and consider the percentage of these well-hidden programs that might be running our lives without us paying attention. No matter how deep and mysterious our subconscious may be, we need to bring our hidden scripts back to the surface.
Example: I am an extremely shy person. And I have somewhat a social anxiety running my emotions now and then. I know, close friends of mine are now with their jaws dropped reading the following lines, but that is the truth. Whenever I step into a room full of people you can easily spot the whole rainbow of emotions changing their colours right on my face. What runs through my mind, you ask?
It went something like this: ‘You are worthless. You are fake. What the hell are you wearing? Everyone will laugh at you!’
And I used to believe all that until I stopped. Until I stopped believing every thought, that would have the liberty of running through my head without wiping its feet first. Instead, I started questioning those thoughts and, in particular, those thoughts that are eager to demotivate me the most. Ant then I created new positive messages that would give me confidence when I needed it the most.
Script: You are worthless!
Me: Prove it. Name the facts that I shall take into consideration. Every life is worth living. At least I am worth being here.
Script: You look ridiculous, go and change.
Me: I look the way I see fit. I dress the way I feel comfortable. Am I comfortable now? Hell, yes.
Script: Everybody hates you.
Me: Whoa?! No kidding?! All 7 billion people? Holly cow, I must be popular 🙂
For some of you, this all might seem ridiculous, but it helps. At least you can always be in charge by creating a fun game called “Prove your subconscious script to be wrong” turning negatives into positives instantaneously!
The main point here is in turning negative things into opposites: fear and doubts turn into hopes, beliefs and confidence. Judgements transform into understanding (by discovering some sort of common ground) and empathy. And so on.
Set yourself free from your old subconscious scripts, be aware of the new ones and keep the level of happiness in check. Be happy!