“What do you do?” – is the most common question people ask us when they meet us for the first time. If it happens to be that your self-worth is tied up into your work it might be a good time to take a little step back and reframe; it’s essential to remember that we are NOT defined by our job titles.
For 16+ years I’d worked in a variety of roles at the corporate headquarters of a large retailer.
I’d started fresh out of college and steadily worked my way up the corporate ladder, eventually leading a communications team.
While I enjoyed some aspects of my corporate job, I was unhappy much of the time.
I often felt like I wasn’t good enough or that I didn’t fit the corporate mold and that there was something bigger I was supposed to be doing. It never felt aligned with what I wanted even if I wasn’t able to articulate what that actually was.
The choice to make a change was taken out of my hands when during mass layoffs I suddenly found myself without a job for the first time in 20 years!
Honestly? I secretly wanted it to happen. I even had planted a few seeds with my leader that perhaps my role was no longer needed. I wanted a change but hesitated in going through with it before the layoffs took us by storm.
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Despite suspecting I’d be part of the layoffs it was still surreal when it happened. Waking up the day after it happened was initially great, I could do whatever I wanted. But not having a routine or set schedule quickly left me feeling listless and lost. What follows are a few of the things that happened when my job situation was chosen for me.
I found self-confidence and my voice
I’d essentially grew up in this company having worked for them since college. It was the only thing I knew, and I very closely tied my identity and self-worth to my job.
Even though I was unhappy I hadn’t left my job because I was worried about who I’d be without it. Shortly after the layoffs, I landed a consulting gig helping manage the divestiture of a portion of a large company. This, in turn, led me to the IT field. It was during this time that I realized how valuable my skills and experience were and that if I didn’t like the situation I was in I could simply move on to another company that better suited me.
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This is where I started to gain self-confidence and feel like I was a very capable person. This is also where I stopped holding back and carefully crafting each word I spoke.
I’m naturally a processor but even then, I was so worried about saying the wrong thing. I essentially stopped caring so much what others thought and said what was on my mind and what I believed.
The knowledge that I was valued and could move onto a better job with little effort was incredibly freeing.
I realized I am not my job
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The first few weeks after I was laid off were tough. I’d had such a routine before that when it went away it was hard to adjust to.
Now I had all this freedom to do whatever I wanted but I didn’t really know what it was that I wanted. I would mope around trying to find things to occupy my time.
Having tied my identity to my job I had trouble understanding who I was without that job. What were my interests? What did I like to do? What was I passionate about? What were my dreams?
This time was where I really started to do the hard work to figure out what my life purpose was, what I was put here to do.
Through some deep personal work that involved reading, journaling, and working with life coaches I eventually found my way to where I am today and it’s so so much more than just a 9-5 job working for someone else until I’m old enough to retire.
Don’t wait for things to happen TO you,
make things happen FOR you
While I enjoyed some great financial benefits by being laid off (the severance was helpful!) and learned some important lessons I do feel like I let fear and uncertainty drive what happened to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change my journey because it’s what led me to where I am today. I do think I could’ve been more proactive and actually designed the life I wanted instead of just following a standard path, not being comfortable with myself and living my life by default.
For so long I’d been passive with most things in my life: going to college for a major that was easy and comfortable, getting a job and moving from position to position as I climbed the ladder, buying a house in the suburbs, etc. I didn’t really know who I was or what I wanted.
If I’d taken the time and done the courageous work to really know who I was I might’ve taken a more assertive approach to drive my life in a certain direction.
Now that I know who I am and what I want I’m able to make things happen for me, not to me.
photo source | pexels