Everyone deserves a real shot at happiness when it comes to finding and keeping the love and fulfilling relationship they TRULY deserve. At any age.

I am in my 50+ and dating at this age could seem even more like a treachery minefield. Especially if you’ve been through your fair share of painful heartbreaks, separation, and divorce, you know it’s difficult at first to be emotionally prepared for venturing out back into the ‘dating safari park.’ But get this, even when you ready and find someone who is also single and in the same age group, there are good chances that they are divorced and solo parenting with impossible demands on their time too. So, how do singles in their 40-50s make dating work for them? Well, we give online dating an honest try.

Online dating has been the major instigator of what has been termed a dating revolution.

It might mean greater dating freedom, but that makes things seem even more daunting and complicated for slightly mature daters.

When I first decided to start dating again, it took a while to determine that I did want to and was ready to take my chances. But, I am not the sort of person to go around friends, neighbors, co-workers or anyone else asking them to help and fix me up with someone. It takes time to let someone in again, open up, so speed dating was a non-starter for me. Choices seemed limited, and my singleton comfort zone was looking for the best place to stay. If the dating fates decided I did deserve someone, they would send him serendipitously to knock on my door. I was wrong about that!

I found out, the hard way, that unless I took charge of things, my life was not going to change. Ever. Once I worked that out, I turned to online dating with a renewed determination to find a partner. But even as I heard how couples in long-term relationships were most likely to have found each other through online dating, I realized that finding a man over 50 I was compatible with was like looking for a needle in a haystack.

I truly believe when you use online dating the right way, you can find someone who is a compatible match. However, you will have to learn to overcome the obstacles you face. Here are top three bumps in the road:

• Family obligations: understand that at age 40-50+, you’re bound to have family obligations, which is going to make dating a bit difficult. You’re the heart of the household, and you have to play so many-many roles. It’s easy to forget that you are a human being and have your own needs too. Just make yourself understand that you’ll burn out if you do not stand up for yourself and decide to have some social life again. You so rightly deserve it. 
• Emotional baggage: you’ve probably encountered plenty of heartaches, we all do. It could be anything from losing a job and divorce to illness, financial troubles, and even a death in the family. Do not let those emotional scars make it challenging to start a new relationship. Give yourself another chance.
• Negative Self-Image: If you are going to use magazines and TV advertisements for inspiration, you’ll set yourself up for failure. Beauty standards on these platforms are extreme. It is natural for middle-aged individuals not to fit that stereotypical definition of beauty. I am a bit overweight and reasonably attractive, but it took me time to find a person who saw me as beautiful and appealing. Don’t look down on yourself and know that there is someone who likes who you are not for the looks you see in the mirror, but for what’s in your heart. You have to find him!

If after all this, you’re willing to take charge of your life, try what I did – go online, register yourself on a reputable dating site, and hope for the best match to come. It worked for me, and it will work for you. Keep the following tips in mind to make online dating work in your favor.

Do your research properly

Even when you’ve seen the world and know how to approach the opposite sex, it is natural to feel a bit shy. You can drop your inhibitions when you are online and can try many dating sites, such as Flirt.com, where people in their 40-50+ can meet and start a new relationship.

No matter the ways you try to find a love you deserve, you cannot compete with how simple and easy it is on the right dating website. Of course, you need to put in the time to write a compelling story to get started, and an attractive photo helps too. But, honestly, it’s shared interests and expectations that matter the most when it comes to finding a love you deserve. It is much easier to take things further when you’re in touch with someone who already shares your interests and hobbies.

There are free and paid dating websites, but being a paid site is not a guarantee that you will find a right partner. So, be sure to take your time when deciding which way to go. Some websites will connect you with other people only in your age group, while others will have people of all ages. Know your preferences before going any further.

Avoid Wasting Time

Statistics show that far too many people do the hard work to find a match but then decide not to take the next step. If you’re in for a serious relationship, then arrange a face-to-face meeting as soon as you can to show it. Take it to the next level as soon as you feel comfortable talking to that person. Wait too long, and you will miss the opportunity of making anything out of it. I’ve been there.

Expand Your Search

Expand your scope. Give other people a chance. Get to learn more about them in chat rooms, and you will have a better chance of finding a good date.

Finding the right date depends heavily on your choice of dating platform. So, be sure to put in some research before you go all-out at it. A site where they let you use their chat room feature is a must. Talking to someone you think might be a right match goes a long way to helping you decide if they are. Share your concerns, get to know them, and then decide if you’re going to give that relationship a chance. It is natural to be skeptical, life experience made you that way, but don’t give up or be afraid of giving ‘life’ another chance to make you feel happy again. You deserve to love and feel loved.

Know that you will eventually find the love you deserve, love that is mutual and good. Take your time.  Know that your path is uniquely yours; maybe sometimes a difficult struggle, but always yours, so get out there and no matter how tough the going gets, trust the process.

Please, take your time in finding the love you truly deserve. Block out the background noise as much as you can. Ignore a world that says you aren’t finding love fast enough. It’s not a twenty-meter dash, nope. It’s a winding, long journey that is so worth it in the end. When the time is right just for the two of you.

By Margaret Atwood

photo source | pexels