If you are reading this and it happens to be one of the hardest times you are going through right now, you are not alone. Please remember that whatever you are going through someone else has likely faced the same problems years ago and managed to pull through tough times, and so will you. You are stronger than whatever life has thrown at you.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”―Haruki Murakami
Remember that weird person you walked past today? You raised an eyebrow, looked askance, and maybe looked at the person again. You formed your opinion in a split of a second but didn’t care how that person feels. You can admit, without any feelings of guilt, that this is what happened, as I do the same: I, someone who used to be one of these weird people. This is proof that people stigmatize, judge, condemn and generalize. It’s not right, we all know it, but we probably won’t stop doing it.
Today, I would like to tell you what it’s like to be on the other side of this line. When every last person you meet tell you in their way that you don’t belong in the normal world. Even though you try to blend in and yearn for someone to accepts you and help you, everyone around you will tell you, at every opportunity, that you don’t belong.
When people around me first pointed the finger at me, I was still a child. In one moment, all expectations and my entire love for life were taken from me. It seemed as if happiness had run out from me. It felt like I belonged nowhere, no one wanted me, and I was a burden to everyone. I was seen as this quiet, unfunny, unattractive girl that you didn’t want to get too close to as you might become weird yourself as if it was contagious. Even a grownup would have problems facing this situation, so no wonder I completely shut down as a child.
I couldn’t get rid of this label and, unconsciously, embraced it. I started becoming precisely what my environment was telling me. I started growing different. Dangerously different.
All the pain I carried in me had to be channeled somewhere, and I believed starvation fit the purpose. I clung on to the thought that a skinny physique would bring me happiness. But I was wrong.
With every lost pound, happiness eluded me even more, and I was becoming even more different, and everyone around me took another step back. And this continued until I was labeled in my medical chart as well: ANOREXIA NERVOSA. Mental disorder. Mental health problem. Someone that requires psychiatric help. Someone whose life is endangered by their mental state. My world came to a halt when I realized that I am, in fact, weird! Maybe I indeed didn’t deserve to be happy?! Maybe there was a ‘good reason’ everyone avoided me?!
There is always hope, even in the worst of circumstances
Today I know that no one on the other side of the line is weird. And neither was I.
I just had the misfortune that others failed to see my worth, while I repressed it because of others and considered it unimportant.
During my 9-year battle with anorexia, I had to search my soul. I realized that every person is unique. Every person is worthy of love and belonging.
We have to find our worth and, more importantly, be proud of it. I discovered that I want to be somewhat different, I want to stand out. And because of this, today, someone loves me. Because of this, I finally belong somewhere today. Because of this, I am HAPPY.
“Tough times never last, but tough people do.”— Robert H. Schuller
I want to help others achieve what I’ve accomplished, I wrote a book about my experience and want to share it with you. You can find a free chapter by visiting this link: https://www.notice-me.net/free-chapter/
picture source | pexels + giphy
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