We all strive to be that elderly couple holding hands on the bench, but not all of us are willing to put in the work. Far too many people flee as soon as the going gets tough. The problem is that they just flee to the next dysfunctional relationship which ends up following the same unhealthy patterns as their last one. It’s time to realize that perfection exists only on the screen and that real relationships take a real effort – which doesn’t make them any less magical.
Regardless of whether you have been with your partner just a few months or several years, there are things you can and should do to fix your problems and heal old wounds together instead of just blaming the next person that comes along.
So many people take fighting as a sign to throw away a relationship. However, you need to realize and accept that no matter how perfect someone is for you, there will be everyday things that you are no doubt going to argue about.
Just because you’ve hit a rough patch doesn’t mean that you haven’t found the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with, so stay calm and stay put. Yelling and disagreements happen. They are a normal part of life.
Leave perfection to those unrealistic rom-coms and learn to deepen your bond as you survive the storms together.
Let Your Other Half Influence You
People complain and fret like little children if they feel their partners trying to “change” them. Stop thinking of that whole ordeal in such a negative way, and start thinking of it as growth. A successful partnership is one in which husband and wife accept influence from one another. That means that you won’t go out that one night just because you made plans if your husband or wife asks you to help them out with something instead. It’s okay to change plans because people change as they grow.
Never Stop Talking
Silence is at times a bigger killer of love than violence. You need to speak up!
Nobody is able to read minds, so you need to let each other know about what’s bothering you. If you stay quiet for the sake of not starting another argument, you are still just as guilty of letting the relationship fall apart.
You cannot allow your partner to silence you out of fear for being blamed for instigating a fight. Talking is always better than ignoring each other. If you no longer bother communicating, that is when you no longer have much hope for salvation.
Get a Middleman
What if things get really bad? Perhaps you and your partner should consider some assistance to try that will help you better understand each other and easier come to an agreement.
Putting someone in between will allow both of you to talk about your concerns without one interrupting the other. Consider hiring some professional family solicitors and mediators that will lend a helping hand in identifying exactly which issues need to be solved and putting those decisions down in writing. This isn’t legally binding or time-consuming like a court, so don’t worry too much. A mediator can simply help you explore some real options in a civilized manner and get you to agree to test out solutions.
Take care of yourself first. That means that you need to try to heal or at least acknowledge the existence of previous trauma. You can’t keep blaming everybody else for not loving you enough if you don’t love yourself. Recognize that you may be transferring some of your current insecurities from old boyfriends or girlfriends to your new partners. Do some research on post-traumatic relationship disorder. Once you start working on your individual issues, you will start being happier as a couple.
Some relationships are worth fighting for no matter what. In some cases, a bit of extra communication could easily do the job. In others, outside help and professional advice will be required. Whatever may be right for your situation, make sure to look for a solution before you run away again.
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