Only the brain, the pill, and the butt have their second halves. For all I know I was born whole. – Faina Ranevskaya
Since the early age I was frequently told that there will come a day when, after some good chasing, longing, yearning and the ultimate hide and seek game, probably, if I am lucky enough, I will find that notorious “other half”.
Since the early age, the idea that I am not WHOLE enough, not complete enough was haunting me. That idea of “INCOMPLETENESS” looked like a sad goon that would never leave my side. Back then, I didn’t know that I was deeply conditioned, tricked into a blind belief that in order to feel whole and complete I have to go and find my “other half”. Meaning that I would have to accept the notion that my happiness/unhappiness is dependent on another person.
Does it sound familiar?
Subconsciously I felt resentment towards the idea that I needed someone to complete me in order to be truly happy but I couldn’t quite figure out how to put that feeling into solid words.
When I was single and my friends were in relationships, some of them made it their mission to set me up with dates, to introduce me to someone, to ultimately FIX ME. Somehow they saw my singleness (which I enjoyed to a reasonable extent) as a flaw. And sometimes I almost felt as if I needed to apologize to them for being single, for making them uncomfortable, for feeling sorry for me, for my marital status.
Is there something’s wrong with me? Why am I single? Am I that flawed that there’s no way I am going to find my other half?! – I cannot believe the endless flow of rubbish that nearly overtook my mind.
Moreover, I felt rather annoyed whenever my friend would say something like “such a beauty goes to waste”, meaning that only in a relationship (according to her) I was allowed to feel validated, content and confident on the account of my pretty humble looks. Was I wrong not believing her?
We Are Already Whole
We are often tricked into thinking that by finding our mythical “other half” or THE ONE we will make all the problems and concerns melt and disappear with happy ending titles and epic music on the screen.
We often think that a relationship will pull us out of the slump of boredom, sadness and incompleteness and wipe out our insecurities and fears. I guess we hope that our partner will fill the void in our soul, in our mind, in our life, like gas that fills all the empty spaces around. We hope that our partner will fill whatever we believe we are lacking.
As years go by we try to dump more hopes and dreams on the shoulders of our partner. We put them in charge of our happiness and contentedness. And, if they fail in “making our dreams come true”, we terminate that relationship and go and look for someone else: “more suitable and capable” to turn our dreams into reality.
Then what? It goes on and on and on. Some people might even decide to spend the rest of their lives alone and proud thinking that there is absolutely no perfect match for them… This notion often pushes us into the trap that we have to depend on someone else in order to be happy.
Why is that? Where is this all coming from?
It all comes from tiny but notorious idea that in order to feel whole and complete we absolutely and desperately need another person to complete us.
But the simple and essential truth is: WE ARE ALREADY WHOLE.
It is incredibly easy to forget, but absolutely essential to remember. WE ARE ALREADY WHOLE. You are already whole and complete.
We fully understand that the term “other half” is rather figurative. But our subconscious doesn’t understand what FIGURATIVE means. It takes things in a literal light and processes them accordingly. Our mind sees it as a mission: TO FIND THE OTHER HALF, meaning you are incomplete, there is something wrong with you, you are not whole (which is the biggest deception of all times) and therefore should be completed by finding someone to fill the voids in your life.
Letting Insecurities Go
Let’s grab that bunch of balloons of insecurities and the belief that we are not complete and let them go. It’s a slow but effective process of healing that starts from noticing our insecurities when they arise. Imagine yourself standing at the top of a mountain with a bunch of colorful balloons in your hand. Each balloon represents something you don’t feel reassured about. Let it go. One insecurity at a time.
Understand that you were whole from the beginning of your life: before all the learning, knowledge, conditioning, and endless chain of limiting beliefs. Understand that YOU ARE ALREADY WHOLE. Look deep down inside underneath all the pains, sorrows and wounds from the past and keep in mind that you have all the necessary energy to heal yourself from within without depending on someone else. YOU ARE ALREADY WHOLE.
Being Whole and Complete
What is it like to be WHOLE and complete?
It simply means that you don’t find the need to seek validation elsewhere so overwhelming because you accept yourself absolutely. It gives an understanding that we don’t necessarily need somebody to love us just to feel washed over with love. Because our love towards ourselves comes from within.
And just like that, when you love and accept yourself wholeheartedly, you build a strong bedrock of what you need on your life’s journey without waiting for someone else to provide the foundation of love and acceptance for you.
When we accept, forgive and love ourselves – we don’t feel insecure or being dumped into the chasm of worrying that other person would leave us and that we would feel lost without them. There is no way we would ever lose ourselves. You have always known that you will be and could be just fine on your own. And you couldn’t feel LONELY in the best possible company of your WHOLE and complete self – this is the ultimate state of “I AMness”. This state provides us with the healing energy that sends us a simple message to comprehend: WE ARE ALREADY WHOLE.
When you accept and love yourself, the possibility of another person leaving your life path completely loses its mask of fear because you have yourself to provide you with love, acceptance, and reassurance. You know that everything is OK. You’d know that you would survive without that person. You would go out there, do great and amazing things, explore and experiment while getting the grasp of the idea of being happy on your own.
And if you need another person, it’s only because you genuinely enjoy their company, but at the same time you FEEL and KNOW for sure that you are whole without them. Thereafter, a simple understanding kicks in that happiness comes from within, from the bottom of your WHOLE and loving HEART. And that YOU ARE ALREADY WHOLE and COMPLETE.
Photo by Anne Suprun