Last week I had a catch up with my friends. We were laughing and talking, discussing little by little every subject possible: from the harshness of the weather to some recent posts on HavingTime.
To my surprise, there was one, in particular, that created quite a splash among us: 12 Things Men Hate About Women. So the girls jokingly said that it would be unfair if I didn’t write a different article about what women hate about men in return.
And then it all begun, I took my notepad and pencil out, and we dove into discussions while making notes. So my friends and I came up with this list.
* Please note, this article, (or a previous one) was not created to make somebody feel uneasy. We are only discussing things we notice about men, that can be “unnoticeable” or meaningless to them. Just an everyday collective observation.
12 Things Women Dislike About Men
1. Emotionally Not Here, Stone Cold, Inattentive
“Daniel always seems to be so far away, that I wouldn’t even dream to get into his universe, knowing that he is far beyond spaces and galaxies. I’m truthful. He is constantly emotionally cold and distant. I would love to have a normal conversation with him once in a while, but all he does is building the thickest brick wall between us, God knows why”, – shared Amy.
Sometimes we all may feel distant and disconnected from one another. We prefer to keep our space neat and clean without a chance of somebody else barging in. We often feel no need to share our thoughts with anybody. And it’s ok to be this way, as long as it’s not a perpetual determination.
2. Completely Messed UP
“Mark consistently makes me furious! It seems that he never had a thing for being clean, wearing fresh clothes once in a while and, you know, picking up dirty socks from every hole in the house by himself! He thinks it’s funny when I’m angry…
Mark is clumsy, and he has that impression that he couldn’t care less by saying “I am, what I am” implying that he’d rather eat his toenails than change. You wouldn’t believe it, but once I’ve found his dirty “boomerangs” (socks hardened by dirt) under his pillow!!! Disgusting! And don’t let me started on the subject of picking his toenails all over the bathroom, pulling them out of the bathroom mat with tweezers. Sometimes I feel as if I was living with a creature from the woods, not a human being. And the old classic of the toilet seat left upright!” – shared frustrated Helena.
We all have a set of habits some people might find peculiar; some people might find them outstandingly disgraceful. We are all set in our “unique” ways. What seems to be “normal” to us, looks like superstitious to someone else. And naturally, we don’t pay much attention to “trivialities” like that. But to reach some harmony in living together under the same roof, there are rules to be set and followed. But most of all, there are things we should, indeed, pay more attention to.
3. Said… Never Did
“Sometimes I feel like a crazy person repeating over and over again one request he said he would do but never got around doing. Do you think I enjoy that very much? Sometimes I’m under the impression as if I am a “broken” radio playing one darn jingle all the time. I hate it when he is completely unreliable and that I have to do most of the things on my own! Even small repairs in the house are on my shoulders. ” – Emily continued our discussion.
“Mike is unreliable either. Whenever he promises to do something, he changes his mind at the last moment and comes up with new unbelievable and amusing excuses. But whenever he does something, even the smallest thing, he looks at me waiting to be appreciated for a lifetime for that small nail in the wall, as if bragging about how good he is at repairs and that I owe him one. This makes me feel guilty and uneasy about asking him to help me with anything. Or is that all planned out?”
Men are all rolling their eyes whenever girls ask them to do something repeatedly considering that a mere act of nagging. Nevertheless, if a request is critical, she will never stop until she gets what she wants, so guys, save yourself some trouble and do it as fast as you possibly can! Buy yourself colorful post-it notes. Or if you forgot to do something even after 133 reminders – you might want to check for a prescription for memory loss 🙂
4. Jealous or Not Caring Much
“Erik is stone cold. He seems to be on a different planet somewhere out there without any intention to care. I can go out with my friends and come back home at 4 in the morning. He will never ask how it went. He only doesn’t seem to care that much. Some of my friends say that it’s a good thing, that I don’t have a jealous Othello near me. True that. But I’d rather have a “jealous” type calling and checking up on me, than the one, that wouldn’t even notice whether or not I’m home.” – Carrie suggested.
“I disagree with you, Carrie. My Mike is so paranoid and overprotective that sometimes his acts of jealousy send me wondering, do I have to feel like a person, who does something wrong all the time? Do I have to ask for his permission to go out and do my own thing once in a while, you know? It is not ok when someone “loves” you so much; he wants to own your time and your space by filling it up like gas fills all the space available.” – Emily plunged into a deeper discussion.
Sometimes we sit and wait for a particular reaction from a person, and when we don’t get what we expect, it upsets us greatly. Then we think about various conditions hoping to get a grip. But the truth here is relatively straightforward. There is a fine line between caring and wanting to own somebody’s time… and entire life. We have to find a perfect balance where one would not suffocate in a relationship because of the ignorance of the other.
5. What Will Tomorrow Bring?
“There’s a friend of mine who is my cousin’s wife. A great girl. She works at two jobs while trying to maintain her health in balance. It declined after the car accident she barely stayed alive from. This girl had three clinical deaths and after fighting that all she was afraid of falling asleep. Afraid that she will never make up again to see the daylight.
The problem is, my cousin doesn’t work. He sits in the house all day doing nothing. For what it’s worse, she pays all the bills and the bank loans he took years ago without any intention of paying them back. He hides letters from banks; she stresses out when she finds them and, as a result, her health declines even more…
She never knows what tomorrow will bring. She would have already stepped out of the picture, but the cousin has that enormous power over her that drags her back every time she attempts to leave. What horrifies me the most is that after all that she has been through, he treats her like dirt, calling her names, whereas clearly, she doesn’t deserve that. No one deserves that.” – Emily shared even more.
Nothing is stable, that’s clear. And when a woman cannot be confident about tomorrow with a man who cannot Be a Man with a capital M – she felt vulnerable and stressed out about the future. She doesn’t feel safe with a man like that. A man with a capital M is a man who is highly motivated, driven by success and leads his family towards greatness. He has that unique aura that covers his family stability, safety and confidence in the future.
6. Mister Scrooge McDuck
“Ok, there was this guy I dated back in college. He was unbelievably stingy. At first, it seemed admirable to me that this man knows how to save. That this man loves saving money. But when that obsession turned into a real nightmare, I realized that I didn’t want to be a part of that picture. It’s fine when a guy counts every penny in his pocket, but I don’t appreciate when he takes the liberty to do the same with my savings too! A bouquet of roses as a surprise? Nonsense! Two tickets for a West End musical? Outrageous request! Generosity, on the other hand, is what highlights a real man” – shared with Carrie.
7. No Sex?!
“There was one period when we stopped having sex. He seemed always to be “too stressed, too tired, too…”. It was frustrating, and my self-esteem went out of the window. The withdrawal was so bad that I nearly lost my mind. I felt worthless, and his inattention got me thinking about adultery. What can I do? I’m not married, thank you very much. And I am a human being with my own psychological and physical needs of connection. I cannot sit there and patiently wait for months when he will “get in the mood” to do things with me that ordinary people do almost every night and day with each other when they care. Maybe, my Love Language is to be physically connected; I don’t know.” – surprisingly for all of us shared Camilla.
For some guys, sex is not a top priority. We get that. But at the same time, women are always striving for romance and connection. Withholding sex only drives people apart and makes their feelings cold and stall. Guys, if you care about your other half, you would do anything not to give her ideas that somebody else is more able to give her what she wants. I understand all the reasons why you might not be interested in having passionate sex every day like you used to, but still, think about making an effort of staying interested. After all, you don’t want to end up alone, only to start all over the same cycle again, do you?
8. He Is a Sexoholic!
“Hey, Camilla, I would love to make a switch with you, seriously! My Ryan went completely off the bend. He is an ultimate bad boy! He is a confirmed sexoholic. He demands sex wherever possible. Whenever possible. Yes, it’s passionate and all, you know. But hell, he cannot get a hold of himself! All he thinks about is – SEX! I know he has been cheating on me. But it’s ok. I still love him. As long as his sex drive is not that rough and dashing – all is good. I am even glad he secretly has somebody else. If it makes him happy, I’m happy too.” – said Kelly and it completely stunned us all.
I have no comments here whatsoever. Seriously.
9. He Never Listens
“Do you have any idea how frustrating it is when you tell the same story three times in a row only because two previous times his mind wandered away leaving him here with a blank stare? Or when he sits in the restaurant across the table checking up his phone showing no respect? Sometimes I have this urge to slap him across the face so he can have an attention span longer than 10 seconds for once. But slapping him will never solve a thing. I dislike men when they don’t listen.” – shared Camilla.
We have two ears for a good reason. We have to listen more and be present. Unlike talking, the ability of listening can hardly force us into trouble. And guys, If you have developed the talent of listening – it will get you far in life. Trust me. Listen more and be attentive.
10. Indecisive and Wimpy
“Daniel is ridiculously indecisive and wimpy. He rambles when he talks with his colleagues. He isn’t very confident, and you can tell by the way he acts. It’s very repellent! It takes ages for us to get our groceries – he could stand there in the aisle reading the contents line after line. It takes forever when he makes his order in a restaurant. With his pedantic and lethargic voice. Very frustrating!” – shared Amy rolling her eyes.
11. Bad Boy
“I have this colleague. I never saw a person more arrogant than him. When he speaks, he looks around the room seeking approval. He makes stupid jokes and waits till everyone would laugh. He goes over heads with a cut throat attitude. He is a shark and considers himself a Bad Boy. And my god, it sends me wondering, Why Do Women Ever go for Bad Boys?” – shared with Helena.
Who is a Bad Boy? The one we see as arrogant and sweeping everything on his way as a hurricane. We often confuse arrogance with confidence. And these things are not the same.
“He flirts all the time. He has thousands (!) of followers on Facebook and Twitter. He chats with women all the time just for the sake of indulging his ego. Why might you ask? You see, Jack was fat when we first met. His self-esteem was low, as I presume, but generally, he was sweet and attentive. A good man. And then when he had a dramatic change in his life – he turned into a completely different person I hardly knew. He lost weight. He was a gym rat ever since. He cheats and puts marks on his list. You know, how many women did he hunt in a week (!). He is a grown man, but I got the vibe as if he found himself back in the high-school yard. He is not my husband, you know, and I will let him go. I cannot deal with that any longer. I respect myself too much. To stay in a relationship like that? Not a chance.” – Helena pinched in.
Cheating all the time is just this tool of answering the question”Is There Anything Better Out There?” of a person who cannot find a grip, but ultimately, this is a tool to skip the utter fear we all share. The fear of loneliness.
I had this guy among my friends who was a legendary “cheater.” And the number on his list was staggering. When did I ask him WHY? He said: “Don’t get me wrong. I love my life and every day of it. There’s so much to it, you know. I love women with their enormous capacity to feel and experience life to the fullest. I love women for their ability to be different. I love them all. But the truth is, no matter how cool the game of chasing is, in the back of my mind I have an understanding, that it has an expiration date. Eventually, I would love to have kids. I would love to have a family house. I would love to have a wife whom I would adore and love like crazy. But the joke here is, I still haven’t found her. And I won’t stop until I do. Moreover, I am only searching for the one. If I’m not happy, I don’t tend to stick to the relationship if I feel it drains my soul away. Why waste your time? “
Many books have been floating out there for years. They are all trying to answer a simple question: What Do We Want?
What do we need in a relationship? What do we have to do so that it will work as smooth as possible?
I think, what we need is an authentic connection. What we need is to feel their presence while we are with them. Nobody wants to be lonely. So build a healthy relationship that you both are happy with.