We are different. And we are trying to communicate with each other by turning our thoughts into words. Our emotional state also makes its imprint on the current situation that changes faster than the colours in a kaleidoscope.
We all have our behaviour patterns and we are all set in our own ways.
Misunderstandings and conflicts are an inseparable part of communication that we all learn to be better at. And by overcoming fights we become better in understanding each other.
And then if you are tired of frequent fights you need to understand obvious reasons why fights have their place in our picture.
Communication is easy, no matter how complex it could get in our imagination. So let’s set the record straight and find out what hides behind the reasons we fight.
5 Obvious Reasons We Fight in Relationships
Thirsty For Attention
Our thirst for attention can be disguised under different masks. Some people turn to self-advertisement and constant bragging. The image of how we picture ourselves is dramatically different from how others perceive us. People might expect all sorts of praise when they feel the lack of it. Whereas others can be critical about everything and everybody bashing all the things they meet along the way.
Or some people use baseless remarks like: “You don’t really like the tomato soup I made” or even increasing the pity “No one loves me” literally screaming out so someone can try to get that attention bone.
Think about the tricks people you know use to get attention. Are those tricks effective?
All those things one might find irritating in a behaviour of another. Especially if you don’t really feel like giving your attention on demand.
So if one person is seeking ATTENTION the other person will feel ANNOYED. The balance is to give more of your attention when you feel it’s required and seek less attention when it’s needed or try to get attention in a less annoying way 🙂
Skewed Power Balance
At least some of us have been in a position where one person is trying to pull the blanket on his side while the other effectively did the same thing pulling the blanket in the opposite direction.
This is the case where people don’t feel their significance and try to prove themselves to each other. This serves as a tipping point for the beginning of a power struggle. Here the argument always will tilt towards a conclusion of “Who was right and who was wrong” or even “wronger”.
Whose opinion is more substantial? Whose choices are more important? Who decides on which events to attend in your relationship (watching a movie, buying a car, where to spend the next holiday)?
When a fight starts to shift the balance of power, ANGER will be the first indicator of the reaction towards it.
Turning To BFF For Advice
It’s great to share everything with your closest friend. It really is. But always REMEMBER about the extent of the information you share in your relationships. Is it worth it?
Yes, different situations ask for different and creative approaches. But the truth here stays simple. The fewer people involved in a relationship of the two, the better and stronger the relationship is.
Do you know for sure what your friend truly thinks about your other half?
When one person turns to his friend for advice, the other person feels ANXIETY and/or CONCERN.
“Whenever we fight she jumps right on the telephone to call her friend and share shortly after the fight. She shares every little stupid detail. Never mind that can I hear her discussing my faults. That drives me nuts!” – shared my friend Chris.
When you share something with someone about your love life the whole “PRIVATE” life becomes pretty much “PUBLIC”. Think about it.
A simple act of unwillingness to accept any responsibility or the lack of confidence in actions often lead to inadequate, helpless behaviour. For instance, your partner shifts the responsibility for the relationships on your shoulders, behaves inadequately (based on the difference between his/her normal state only for you to feel the difference) providing that he/she is simply incapable of taking care or make decisions for themselves. Saying that he/she will never survive without you putting the guilt on you sheerly.
Of course, you want to help your loved one and you do your best to make him/her happy. This doesn’t mean that you shall fall for that “helplessness parade” trick all the time he/she feels so. Be kind and willing to help. Also, be kind to yourself and don’t take full responsibility for other person’s life on yourself. It’s hard enough to carry your own life baggage without carrying someone else’s baggage on your shoulders.
V for Vendetta
It often happens that one misinterpreted word can bottle down some nasty feelings inside of your partner ready to burst any second now. On the surface, he/she might seem calm and quiet whereas on the bottom of it all there might be a swirling storm coming towards you and is about to unravel.
We rarely know what another person truly feels. We interpret his or her actions with our own definition. We often feel hurt by our own thoughts in the process of labelling the emotions that tag along. It all seems confusing. It gets’s worse when your partner becomes hostile plotting vendetta against you.
Life is busy and seldom we can stop to realise that we might have hurt someone. Moreover, the person we wronged might be willing to break all hell loose so we can grasp a glimpse of how much pain we caused him/her even if his/her idea of vendetta is hidden somewhere in the labyrinth of the subconscious.
If your partner goes on the journey of revenge you will feel it. You will feel both GUILT and GRUDGE. The best way to avoid vendetta is to mutually agree to talk things out and let each other know when you feel hurt.
Regardless the reasons why we fight, think about how serious all of the pitfalls are? Whether or not it is worth polluting the air of your home with arguments, accusations and nitpicking of each other’s faults. If you or your partner did something wrong, it doesn’t make him or you a bad person. The same goes about doing something good – it never means that someone became a saint. Cut each other some slack. No one is perfect.
And no one will ever be perfect. Instead of sitting there being bitter, nitpicking faults and searching for all things “wrong” in the relationship, try talking it out before the argument has a chance to unravel and pay more attention to each other’s feelings.
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